


A Rather Expected Journey

by Morg47



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Everybody Lives, Fix-It, M/M, watch out Middle Earth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 16:05:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17491049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morg47/pseuds/Morg47
Summary: There are several things that the dwarves don't know about the hobbit that is travelling with them. Things that Bilbo is glad to let them find out for themselves along the way.The first is that he's prepared for everything. His mother used to quiz him about what he'd do in any given situation - from relatives to trolls - and Bilbo never disappointed her with his answers. Riding a pony all day gives him plenty of time to plan for everything.The second is that he can throw a stone or any other small object hard enough to embed it several inches into a tree trunk. HIs accuracy is uncanny even for Shire standards. He's quite proud of it.The third is that he doesn't actually say so many proverbs when at home but it seems to annoy the dwarves so he spends time thinking up all the ones he's heard before.And last, hobbits scold like it is no one's business. The Dwarves he's travelling with really have no idea what's going to happen if they truly piss him off.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a Bagginshield fic for a while. So here it is! Hopefully, this is enough of a new take on things that people find it interesting.

                Bilbo was grateful to whoever helped him into his chair after his little tumble on the floor. As embarrassing as it was to faint in his own home, Bilbo figured they couldn’t put all the blame on him. What with that one dwarf springing on him the dragon bit and the fire and evisceration. Any hobbit worth their pantry would have fainted.

                Assuming the others had spread out through his smial to find some sleep before the sun rose, Bilbo sat quietly before the fire, thankful that the crackling of the flames was his only company. The contract sat on a small table at his side, but he was very determinedly not looking at it. He wasn’t going so he didn’t need to read through it again.

                Despite his best efforts, Bilbo found himself thinking about the dragon. He shuddered at the thought of facing something that could breathe fire. It was his talks with his mother that made him keep thinking about it. She taught him to be prepared for everything and anything. He could practically hear her voice now. _What would you do if you met a dragon?_

                The question bounced around in his mind for some time before Bilbo heaved a sigh and got up. It was no use sitting and thinking about things that didn’t affect him. He put his blanket on his chair and took a step away before reaching back to grab the contract. He might as well put it with the dwarves’ things so they wouldn’t forget it.

                As he was making his way down the hall, Bilbo noticed that his front door was cracked open enough to let in a bit of moonlight. Pushing it further with his foot, Bilbo stuck his head outside. Gandalf was smoking out on his front bench. Bilbo glanced back into his smial before heading out to join the wizard.

                “Are you feeling better now?”

                Huffing, Bilbo sat beside Gandalf. He accepted the pipe when he was offered it. “That was quite a shock they gave me but I’ll be fine. I’m still young.”

                Looking down at the hobbit, Gandalf took his pipe back. “Not as young as you used to be.”

                “I’m not that silly little hobbit anymore, Gandalf. I grew up. I’m not fit for adventures like the one you’re proposing. And before you say anything! An adventure like this needs to be planned out. Months of planning even. And you gave me no time at all.”  
                Gandalf hummed in that way of his that he knew made the hobbit beside him annoyed. “I think the contract does a pretty good job of explaining what you might come across.”

                Bilbo shook the long piece of parchment with a huff of a laugh. “It covers quite a bit of the dangerous things out there, I suppose. One night is not enough time to prepare even if I have a list to start with.”

                “I recall your mother making sure you had plans for quite a few things on that list. You act as though you have no plans made yet. I’m sure your brilliant mind started some the moment you first touched that contract.”

                Puffing up his chest just a little, Bilbo couldn’t help but smile. “I started some the moment you showed up at my gate. If there was one thing my mother made sure I’d remember it was that wizards can always be trusted to do as they please.”

                There was no argument that Gandalf had for that so he stayed silent.

                Bilbo looked up at the stars for a moment before letting out a sigh. “I’m sure that Thorin and his company will be just fine without me. Surely, if they can write such a contract, they have plans for what to do if they encounter any of the things listed in it.”  
                The sound that escaped him was definitely not a snort. Gandalf would be adamant about that until the world was remade. Wizards don’t snort. “I’m sure they’ll do what dwarves do when they encounter problems.”

                After a moment of silence, Bilbo nudged the annoying wizard beside him. “And what’s that?”  
  
                “Oh, they’ll fight to the death and rely on brute force to get through.”

                Bilbo was stunned into silence for a moment before dropping his head into his hands. “They’re going to fail. They’re never going to make it to that blasted mountain. And even if they did, there is no way that they’d be able to fight a dragon. Please tell me they’re smarter than that.”

                Gandalf chuckled as he took another drag from his pipe. “Dwarves are good at a great number of things. They are not known, however, for their ability to strategize and fight battles of any size. Usually, there is enough of them that they can overcome anything with sheer numbers. What Thorin and his company have planned has not been attempted by dwarves before. They are doing everything without a way to prepare for it properly.”

                Wearily, Bilbo pushed himself to his feet. “I guess that settles it then.”

                “Where are you going? Off to bed?”

                Sending a dirty look over his shoulder, Bilbo scoffed. “Of course not. There’s too much to do.”

                Gandalf didn’t bother to hide his smirk as Bilbo marched back toward his open door. “Indeed.”

                Bilbo ignored the meddling wizard and headed straight for his study. With a bit of flourish despite no one being around to see, he signed the contract and then promptly started reading it more carefully. It did have quite the list of things that they might see or encounter on the road. Most would be easy to take care of. There were a few others that he was going to have to get more creative with.

                Once that was done, Bilbo got out his walking pack and sorted through what he kept in it. The extra clothes and his bedroll would stay. The comforts that he didn’t need wouldn’t. His extra quills and parchment would have to stay behind. There just wasn’t room for things that he wasn’t going to get to use while on the road. This wasn’t one of his regular walking holidays.

                His next stop was his pantry. The dwarves had done a good job of cleaning out most of the food he had there. They didn’t, however, seem keen to eat greens. So his shelf of dried plants was rather intact, which was good since some of them could have killed the dwarves if they’d eaten them.

                Taking a bit of everything, Bilbo made note of what he should look for while on the road. He did pack his book on herbs so that he could consult with it to make sure that he had the right plants. The rest of the food would have to be eaten for breakfast and packed for the journey.

                Once that was done, Bilbo headed back to his study to write a couple of letters to his relatives and neighbors. It wouldn’t do to leave and have his smial fall into ruin since he wasn’t sure when he’d be returning. After that, he made sure to pack some of his bandages and ointments. He didn’t know if they’d work on dwarves but he knew they’d work on him and that was important since he was sure that the dwarves probably had stuff for themselves.

                After all of that, Bilbo stood in his front hall looking around and thinking through things. He felt like he was forgetting something but it wasn’t coming to mind and he had to leave if he was going to be able to deliver his letters and make it back in time to leave with the rest of the company.

                With a small shrug, Bilbo slipped out his door and made his way down the path to the road. He barely spared a glance at Gandalf as he went over his route in his head. There was so much to do in such a little time.  
  


XXX  
  
                Thorin glowered as he watched the other dwarves eat the small amount of food left in the pantry and pack up their gear to leave. The hobbit was nowhere to be seen, surely still sleeping in his comfortable little bed. He’d made himself quite clear the night before. He would not be joining them. “Ten minutes and we leave. We’re wasting daylight as it is.”

                “I think it’s too bad that the little fellow doesn’t want to join us. He was quite funny when he fell down just at the thought of a little dragon fire.”

                “Well, you did describe it quite brutally, Bofur.”

                “Thanks, Fili.”

                “That’s not what I-“

                “Fili! Have you seen my boots? I can’t find them.”

                “They’re on your feet, Kili.”

                “Oh!”

                Balin, with years of experience of ignoring the young princes, moved through the group to Thorin’s side. “What is your plan?”

                “We’re getting on the road and heading east.”

                “That’s not really a plan. How far do you want to travel today?”

                Thorin shrugged before he caught the apple that Dwalin threw at him to eat. “That depends on if we ever get on the road.”  
  
                With a sigh, Balin left Thorin to glare everyone else into moving faster. He had some bread and cheese before gathering his pack and heading out the door. He paused for just a moment at the door. It was bad manners to leave before thanking their host. But then again it was bad manners for a host to hide out in their room until their guests left. So he didn’t feel too bad when he walked out.

                In the end, it was Dwalin that got everyone outside and heading down the lane to get to their horses. Thorin was always the strong silent type, but Dwalin knew that to get people moving then yelling was the best choice. Yell he did. He had the princes running down the lane to the stables with some of the other dwarves laughing until he got them moving faster as well. “I don’t know what you are all doing, taking your time and shooting the breeze. Get your asses moving before I move them for you!”

                Thorin shared a brief grin with his friend before making his way down the road. He was quite happy to be putting the Shire behind them since it meant that they were on their way to the mountain.  
  


XXX  
  
                Bilbo stood in shock just inside his door. His smial was an utter mess. And there were no dwarves to be seen. They’d left without him. The contract that he had signed, was sitting on his table and covered in food bits.

                Grumbling under his breath about the idiocy of dwarves, Bilbo moved further into his smial. He packed some gold and left even more on the table with a note thanking the Gaffer for stopping by and cleaning everything. After that, he grabbed his contract before making his way back out his door. He had everything he needed packed and there was clearly no more food left in his smial to worry about.

                Huffing out a breath, Bilbo turned and looked out over the Shire from his spot on the hillside. He took just a second to cement the sight before him in his mind. He didn’t want to forget what his home looked like. There was no telling when he would be back.

                Then he took off down the path at a run. There were several ways the dwarves could have gone, but Bilbo remembered hearing something about ponies. If they were riding then they’d have to be on the main road. Taking every shortcut he knew, Bilbo set his jaw and pushed himself. He had to make it to the road before the dwarves went by or else he’d be hard-pressed to catch up.

                Bilbo had to dodge several of his neighbors and the hobbits making their way down various paths heading to one place or another. Plenty called out to him about his rushing, but Bilbo ignored them. He was also out of breath and couldn’t have spoken if he wanted to.

                He’d never been so happy to hear the sound of ponies and dwarves as he was when he made his way through a small group of trees that would bring him to the road. The thought of not having to run any further had him keep going.

                With a small burst of speed, he broke through the trees and waved the contract he’d been holding the whole way. “I signed it! I signed it. I’m going with you.”

                Gandalf made sure that everyone stopped and turned as Bilbo took a second to breathe.

                Thorin frowned at the halfling before him. “You changed your mind?”

                Balin ignored his king to urge his pony around so that he could get the contract from Bilbo and check it. “He’s signed it. Everything seems to be in order.”

                Gasping, Bilbo forced himself to stand up straight. “I signed it last night while you were all sleeping. But none of you looked at it. I left it on the table so that you’d see.”

                “If you signed it last night then where were you this morning?”

                “Dwalin-“

                “No, I want to know why he thought he could have a lie in when the rest of us were up and getting ready.”

                Feeling that he could finally breathe again, Bilbo sent a scathing look to the large dwarf. He’d been a bit frightened by Dwalin the night before. Seeing a man with his hand caught in a cookie jar could change one’s perspective. “I wasn’t sleeping. If any of you had bothered to knock on my door you would have realized that I wasn’t there. I had to leave before the sun was up to take care of some matters. I might be going with you to help you get your home back but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to lose mine in the process. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.”

                Gandalf was rather pleased to see the way the dwarves shifted a bit uncomfortably on their ponies. “If everything is in order then we should continue on our way.”

                “Get him a pony.”

                Bilbo was about to protest being dismissed as he was. He didn’t manage to get the words out before he was lifted from behind and deposited on the back of a pony. With no other choice, Bilbo just hung on to the reins given to him and glared at the back of the king’s head.

                It wasn’t until he sneezed that he realized that he forgot his handkerchief. With a sigh, he let his pony fall into line with the others and started going over the list of things from the contract. He didn’t want to be unprepared for anything.  
  


XXX  
  


                After several days of riding through rain or shine, Bilbo pushed his pony up so that he was next to Thorin. He didn’t let the glower of the king frighten him. “We’re making our way to Bree, right?”

                Thorin grunted.

                When it was clear that that was all the response that he was going to get, Bilbo let out a small sigh. Luckily, the rain covered up the sound so Thorin was not aware that he’d made it. Kings could be touchy it seemed. “What are we doing after that? Do you have a route picked out for us? How far are you thinking we’ll travel each day?”

                Shifting a bit in his saddle, Thorin turned so he could look at the hobbit without leading his horse off course. “What is it to you? You are not the leader of this company.”

                Bilbo matched Thorin’s frown with one of his own. “No, I’m not. I don’t want to be either. I just want to know that our fearless leader has a plan in mind.”

                “I have a plan and being the ‘fearless leader’ means I don’t have to share it with you.”

                Eyes narrowed, Bilbo let Thorin push his pony so that they were no longer riding next to each other. He wasn’t all that surprised when Gandalf ended up next to him. “He has no plan. We’re going to get lost before we ever get to Bree.”

                Gandalf didn’t bother to hide his laughter as he and Bilbo watched Thorin ride next to Balin and clearly converse with the other dwarf.

                Bilbo would have said something else but then one of the dwarves had to ask if Gandalf could make it stop raining. He was far too busy laughing at the look on Gandalf’s face for the rest of the day.  
  


XXX  
  


                Bilbo was only mildly surprised when they didn’t get lost on the way to Bree. To be fair, the road was pretty straightforward. That and Bilbo was sure that after he asked Thorin his questions, Thorin went to ask Balin the answers.

                Whatever the case may be, it was clear that the king was in no mood to chat with the burglar. Bilbo respected that and tried to get to know the dwarves in the company. So far only Bombur and Bofur would talk to him. And that was mostly just during the times when they were cooking because Bilbo was slipping herbs to Bombur.

                The inn was a welcome break from the road. It was a bit surprising when he heard that they’d all be sharing one big room rather than a few smaller ones. Bilbo didn’t hesitate to turn to Gandalf when he heard that. “What’s the point of being in each other’s pockets while we’re here?”  
  
                “There are those who, if they find out about our journey, will stop at nothing to thwart it. Thorin thinks that the best thing would be for everyone to stay together so that if an attack comes, it is against all of us. Strength in numbers, remember?”

                Sighing, Bilbo resigned himself to being in close quarters with the dwarves until they got their blasted mountain back. At least that was something that was easy to prepare for.

                Dinner at the inn was a welcome break from the stew that Bombur made over the fire every night. Bilbo even took a few moments to buy some food that he knew would last a bit longer on the road and refilled his pack. Dwarves didn’t eat as much as hobbits. He wasn’t about to starve for them.

                Unlike at his smial, the dwarves were rather subdued throughout the meal. Bilbo figured that was because they didn’t want to draw attention to themselves. The men in Bree were a hard folk. They were suspicious of everyone and everything. The dwarves garnered their attention even if they weren’t doing anything more than just eating.

                A group of them started getting rowdy near the fireplace. Bilbo kept his eye on them while he ate with the others. When it looked like the men were gathering up the courage to confront the dwarves, Thorin had them turn in.

                Bilbo looked back at the men one last time before heading up the stairs with the others. It was nice that while Thorin wasn’t exactly strategic in his planning, he wasn’t a fool. Bilbo could work with that.  
  


XXX  
  


                Sore did not begin to explain the pain that Bilbo was feeling in his backside. He was not getting used to riding even after a couple of weeks. He really just needed his body to start firming up. That wouldn’t happen, however, unless he was able to take a day or two off from riding. There was no way that Thorin would allow that. Luckily, he had a salve that helped with making the sores that he had heal faster and bleed less. Saddle sores were easy to prepare for. Burnt out farmhouses, not so much.

                “We shouldn’t stay here.”

                Thorin crossed his arms as he looked up at the wizard. “This is as good as any place for camp.”

                “A farmer and his family used to live here. Something has happened.”

                Bilbo watched in amusement as Gandalf very clearly held himself back from gesturing at the burnt house behind them. Wizards, it seemed, were above gestures.

                Thorin didn’t even hesitate to hold back his smirk. “Yes, Gandalf. A fire happened.”

                Grumbling, Gandalf made his way away from the house muttering about idiots and spending time with the smartest people only.

                Bilbo let him go. He was sure that the wizard just needed time to cool off. In the meantime, he made sure to take a look around. If Gandalf was worried that something had happened then Bilbo was going to make sure that any scenario was one that he was prepared for. Thorin might be able to brush it off with a smirk and a smart comment, but Bilbo wasn’t raised by a fool.

                Turning, Thorin caught Bilbo studying the house. He frowned at the sight before sighing. “Stop wandering aimlessly, burglar, and help Bombur with preparing supper.”

                Seeing as Thorin had dismissed Gandalf’s warnings so easily, Bilbo figured that explaining to the dwarf what he was doing wouldn’t go over so well. With a sigh that he was sure that no one but himself heard, Bilbo made his way to the cook’s side. One of the good things about helping Bombur was that he was sure to actually get to eat. The other was that he liked the jolly dwarf and even slipped him some herbs to add to the stews to give them more flavor. Bombur seemed to enjoy sneaking plants into his cooking.

                It was while he was grabbing a little parsley for the stew that Bilbo hesitated. He had some Belladonna in his pack. It was enough to bring down just about anything that consumed it. Without thinking too hard about it, he stuffed the bundle of dried plant into his pocket and went back to helping Bombur.

                “Take these to the lads, will you? They’re looking after the ponies.”

                Nodding to the others, Bilbo took the bowls and headed into the trees where he knew the ponies and the princes were supposed to be. He found the princes looking distraught at the woods. “What is it?”

                “Some of the ponies are missing.”

                “And we can see a fire through there.”  
  
                “You should go see what it is.”

                Used to the princes talking on top of each other, Bilbo frowned at the two of them before pushing their bowls into their hands. “Go get Thorin and the others. Come through the trees quietly but stay back unless I tell you to come out.”

                Kili and Fili looked at each other before nodding and heading back towards camp.

                Bilbo moved through the trees without making a sound. All the way he berated young dwarves that spend too much time showing off for each other instead of attending to their duties. He had just gotten to imagining yelling at them when he made it to the edge of the trees.

                Peering through the branches, Bilbo frowned at the sight before him. Three trolls had several of their horses in a crude pen. They were also discussing how best to eat them. Having their horses eaten was not part of Bilbo’s plans.

                With a grace that only hobbits had, Bilbo slipped out of the trees. He stayed away from the fire as he moved around the trolls to the pen. The knot that they used to tie the gate shut made absolutely no sense. The only way that he’d be able to open it was if he cut through it.

                Spying the knife on one of the troll’s belt. Bilbo sighed before moving to stand next to one but away from the other two. “I think what it needs is some seasoning. That’ll get you a good taste for the horse meat.”

                Seeing the trolls shocked and falling over each other was amusing. Being picked up by one wasn’t so much.

                “What is it, Bill?”

                “I don’t know, Bert. Is it good to eat, Tom?”

                One of the trolls moved closer to get a good look at Bilbo. As much as he didn’t like the giant creature getting closer to him, Bilbo made sure not to shrink back. “I’m a bur-a hobbit.”

                “A burrahobbit. What’s that?”

                Frowning at the troll holding him, Bilbo smacked at the troll’s hands. “We’re creatures just like you. Now, as I was saying. I think you just need some seasoning for your broth. Then it’ll taste great.”

                Before the trolls could respond, a cry came out of the trees. The dwarves surged into the clearing with their weapons ready. They fought and cleaved at the trolls. Bilbo was dropped in a heap next to the fire. Moving back, Bilbo stood off to the side to see how far fighting got the dwarves.

                Not very far, as it was. It didn’t take long before the trolls seized a member of the company, Ori if Bilbo wasn’t mistaken, and threatened to rip him apart.

                With a sigh, Bilbo watched as some of the dwarves were put into sacks while the others were strapped to a log and put over the fire on a crude spit. Once he was sure that the trolls had settled back down, Bilbo stepped back out of the woods.

                Making sure to walk right up, Bilbo ignored the looks the dwarves were shooting him and stood before the trolls once more. “Have you thought about what I said about the seasonings?”  
                Two scares in one night was pretty impressive for a hobbit. The trolls almost fell over each other as he startled them once more.”

                “It came back, Bert!”

                “Grab it, Tom!”

                Sidestepping the giant hand that came for him, Bilbo tutted. “I told you before that I just want to help you cook your food. It looks like you caught some dwarves. They aren’t as tasty as horse, I think.”

                There were a few surprised cries from the dwarves, but Bilbo ignored them in order to focus on the trolls looking down at him.

                “Are you saying we shouldn’t eat the dwarves?”  
  
                Shaking his head, Bilbo held up in hands in placating way. “I don’t care if you eat them. I just want you to have a good meal.”

                “Why does a burrahobbit care?”

                “I’m just a small creature. Catching big dwarves and horses is not easy.”  
  
                “It wants some of our food, Tom.”

                “Right you are, Bill.”

                “Why should we share? Can’t we just eat it, too?”

                Bilbo moved closer to the pot still boiling over the fire. “I’m small and not much compared to the horses and dwarves. Why would you waste your time eating me? You’re the ones talking about how best to cook them. A nice horse stew sounds great. I have some herbs to put in. Want to try it?”

                The trolls looked at each other before slowing nodding.

                Bilbo sighed before taking the Belladonna out of his pocket. He crushed some and sprinkled it into the pot. Then he held up a few of the leaves to the trolls. “Do you want to try some? It’ll make whatever you’re eating tastier.”  
  
                Bert took some. He shoved the leaves into his mouth and almost spit them back out immediately. “This doesn’t taste very good.”

                Bill and Tom did not look convinced. So Bilbo straightened his back and put his hands on his hips. “You have to chew on it for a moment. It’s different when it’s been cooking in a broth. Give it a moment for the taste to get past the leaves. Here, you two try it and see if you like it.”

                Still hesitating, Bill and Tom took the last of the leaves from Bilbo and chewed on them.

                Bert squinted his eyes at the small creature before them. “How come you didn’t eat any?”

                Rolling his eyes, Bilbo showed his empty hands. “I gave it all to you. I don’t have any left for myself. Which is a pity since it really is delicious.”

                Tom began coughing shortly after that. He couldn’t seem to stop.

                “Give him some broth, Bert. Don’t let him choke.”

                Following the burrahobbit’s advice, Bert gave Tom some broth. Then he took a sip for himself.

                Bill, not wanting to be left out, grabbed the ladle from Bert and swallowed a large amount himself. “That does make it tasty. What if we added something else, too?”

                Bilbo frowned at that. He tutted and smacked his palm against Bill’s leg. “Too many cooks spoil the broth.”

                Somewhere in the background, some of the dwarves were trying to muffle their laughter at the sight of a troll pouting at a hobbit.

                Satisfied with the sluggish words and the way the trolls were swaying. Bilbo didn’t bother to disguise what he was doing as he moved to Thorin’s side and let the king out of his sack. “I’m glad that you like it. You should all have more broth.”

                “Hey! What are you doing?”

                Bilbo thought for a moment that Tom was talking to him since he was currently letting Balin out of his sack. It wasn’t him. Tom was fighting Bert for the ladle. Shaking his head at them, Bilbo moved on to help Thorin with Bombur while Balin let Kili and Fili out.

                Going back to the fireside, Bilbo motioned for the other dwarves to get their brethren off the spit. The trolls did take some notice of that.

                “What are you doing, burrahobbit?”

                “Well, since you like my broth, I figured I should skin the dwarves and cook them in it. Wouldn’t you like that?”

                Tom nodded so hard he fell backward with a thud and stayed that way.

                Bill just blinked at him slowly.

                It was Bert that shook his head a bit. “I wanted them roasted. Leave them.”

                Bilbo shushed him. “Have another drink, Bert. I promise to make you a delicious meal.”

                Thorin moved to stand at the halfling’s side as the two trolls still sitting upright slumped into each other. “We should go.”

                “Take the others and the horses back to camp. I’ll make sure that they don’t wake back up.”

                Hesitating just a moment, Thorin placed his hand on Bilbo’s shoulder before he and the rest of the dwarves left.

                Bilbo stayed by the fire as the trolls slipped further toward sleep. He knew that if they overcame the poison then they’d be very angry. The dosage for stone trolls wasn’t well known, which was why he wasn’t all the surprised when Tom slowly sat back up.

                “Hey! Where did all the food go?”

                The question seemed to rouse Bert enough that he looked around. “Burrahobbit?”

                “I told you, I’m cooking it. Have some of the broth. I’m sure it is even better now that it tastes like dwarf, too.”

                Tom took another mouthful and settle back down.

                Bert didn’t drink any.

                Bilbo could see the sky beginning to lighten in the distance. Something moved over the rocks at the far side of the clearing. Not wanting any more drama for one night, Bilbo backed away from the trolls. It was a good thing, too, since it was Gandalf on the rocks.

                “The dawn will take you all!”  
  
                The cracking of the boulder made the trolls scramble to their feet. It was far too late for them. The poison in their system didn’t allow for them to move fast enough to avoid the sun.

                Bilbo watched with Gandalf at his side as Tom, Bert, and Bill turned to stone. “They weren’t very good dinner hosts.”  
  
                “Hmmm?”

                Smiling up at Gandalf, Bilbo gave a small roll of his eyes. “Wanted to eat everyone.”

                Smiling in return, Gandalf put his hand on Bilbo’s shoulder to steer him back toward the dwarves’ camp. “Ah, yes. I can see why that would make them poor hosts.”

                Bilbo was still snickering when he and Gandalf made it back to camp. The dwarves all got to their feet when they walked in. “Don’t worry. They’ve been turned to stone.”

                Dwalin looked from the wizard to the hobbit to the sun. He shook his head and sat back down by his pack. There were some things that he would never understand.

                Fili and Kili tripped over each other to get to Bilbo. “You were amazing, Mr. Boggins!”

                “What did you give them!?”

                Sighing, Bilbo ignored the princes while he moved over to his pack. He was rather tired from staying up all night. “What part of ‘don’t intervene unless I give you the signal’ did you not understand?”

                The two fell silent. They traded wide-eyed looks.

                Thorin cleared his throat as he moved forwards. “You had been captured, burglar. We weren’t about to let them hurt you.”

                “I had everything perfectly under control. They weren’t going to harm me.”

                Gandalf recognized the way that Thorin straightened his spine. A fight was not something he wanted to see. “What I want to know is where their hoard is.”

                The dwarves instantly perked up and began looking for it through the woods.

                Bilbo just nodded to the wizard and laid back against his pack to take a nap. If they needed him for something then they’d call for him. He was sure.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the awesome response to this story. I hope you enjoy this next bit!

                The sword that was thrust into his hands wasn’t totally unwelcome. That is to say, Bilbo did not want it, but he understood what the king was doing even if he wasn’t looking at Bilbo. “What’s this?”

                Thorin shook his head before finally lifting his gaze to meet the hobbit’s eyes. “You don’t have a weapon. You might need one.”

                “I don’t know how to use a sword.”

                “We can teach you.”

                Bilbo was rather speechless as Thorin walked away from him. A sword was not what he was expecting, but Gandalf seemed pleased to see him holding it when the others returned from the trolls’ cave.

                With a sigh, Bilbo studied the scabbard before figuring out how to attach it to his belt. If he was going to keep it and wear it then he was going to have to get used to it on his hip. He wasn’t about to fumble with something as sharp as the little sword seemed to be.

                Satisfied, Bilbo walked around the camp for a few minutes before nodding his head. “All right, I can work with this.”

                Snorting, Kili leaned against his brother. “Our hobbit is an odd one.”

                Fili shrugged without dislodging his brother. “I don’t know, Kili. Maybe all hobbits are odd.”

                Bilbo made another pass while trying to decide if it was worth the teasing he was sure to endure if he responded to the bait that the princes were dangling for him. In the end, he was saved from them by Ori.

                “What are you doing, Mister Bilbo?”  
  
                Looking over at the young dwarf, Bilbo took a moment to admire the fingerless gloves that Ori was wearing. They looked to be crocheted and had been well done. “I’m practicing.”

                Scrunching up his nose, Ori blinked a few times at the hobbit. “Practicing what?”

                Bilbo gestured to the sword at his side. “Practicing moving with this sword.”

                Kili and Fili practically fell over each other as they laughed.

                Ori just responded with a quiet, “Oh.”

                Bilbo narrowed his eyes as he moved to stand in front of the princes. With his hands on his hips, he frowned at them. “Practice makes perfect.”

                Fili and Kili did not stop laughing as Bilbo stalked off.

                Thorin did not find it quite as amusing as his nephews and barked at them to get up and start packing.  
  


XXX  
  
                Thorin tried not to groan as he dismounted from his pony. Another day’s ride wasn’t too much for him, but they’d had no sleep the night before due to the incident with the trolls. None of them had wanted to sleep where they’d had camp and so they’d moved on.

                Looking forward to resting for the night, he pulled down his pack and unsaddled his horse. For a moment, he thought about calling for Kili and Fili to look after the ponies until they could all be tethered. Then he grimaced. “Dwalin, have Nori and Ori settle the ponies.”

                Grunting, Dwalin moved toward the two dwarves Thorin had chosen. He stopped for a moment to look back at his king. “And the boys?”  
                With another sigh, Thorin ran a hand through his hair. “Make them help serve the food.”

                He was almost done laying out his bedroll and settling on it when he heard his nephews complain over the sounds of their camp being set up. Thorin didn’t try all that hard to hide his smirk. They had to get used to life on the road just like everyone else did. That and they were sure to get into trouble if he didn’t give them some sort of task.

                With nothing else to occupy his attention, Thorin let his gaze wander around the camp. He watched as Oin and Gloin got the fire started and Bombur and Bofur put the pot over it. Dori brought water for them to start the stew while Nori and Ori collected the ponies and tied them off to various tree branches. He even saw that Bilbo pressed something into Bombur’s hands that was then put into the large pot.

                Whatever it was that Bilbo gave him, it had the dwarf smiling a little as he added other things into their stew. Thorin had a feeling that he suddenly knew why it was that their meals had been tasting better recently. It seemed the hobbit knew a lot about plants and what they could do.

                Thorin waited until everyone had eaten and were settling down for an evening of chatting when he got up. “Dwalin, why don’t we give our burglar a quick run-down of what he should do with his new weapon.”

                Perking up a bit, Bilbo looked up to find Thorin looking at him expectedly. He nodded just once to himself before setting his bowl to the side and dusting off his hands. “It would be nice to know more than the pointy end goes into my enemies.”

                Thorin absolutely did not laugh.

                Dwalin did. He patted the hobbit on the shoulder. An action that had the smaller male stumbling to keep his feet. “Aye, the pointy end goes into someone else, that’s for sure. It’s getting it there that I’ll be teaching you.”

                Bilbo was tired and sore from yet another day of riding. Still, he now had a sword that he did not know how to use. He could not turn away the offer of lessons. He figured the rugged dwarf before him could teach him more than his mother did when they’d pretend fought with sticks. “Teach away.”

                Dwalin couldn’t help but be amused as he, with Thorin’s occasional add-in, taught the hobbit how to hold his new blade and the proper way to stand with it. “Too much weight on one foot and you’ll miss and fall. Too much weight on the other could have you knocked back and that gives your enemy an opening.”

                To his credit, Bilbo was focused on what Dwalin was telling him. Thorin couldn’t help but be a bit proud that the hobbit took it all seriously. They’d gone through it all a couple of times before he decided they should rest. “That’s enough for tonight. We’ll go over it again tomorrow.”

                Bilbo nodded before going back to his spot by the fire. He smiled at Bombur when the large dwarf pressed an apple into his hands. It really did pay to be friends with the dwarf in control of their food.

                Thorin had just settled in when the howls broke out. Like the others, he looked off into the falling darkness of the night. They did not sound close enough for him to worry.

                “Are those wolves?”  
  
                The question did not hold fear. Thorin couldn’t help but think about that for a second. For a person so small and clearly untraveled, Bilbo did not sound afraid of a creature that could tear him limb from limb quite easily. In fact, he sounded more intrigued than anything.

                He stayed silent too long.

                Kili, very serious like, shook his head. “Those are wargs. They’ll have orcs with them.”

                “Wargs?”  
  
                Thorin sat up a little straighter. Bilbo still didn’t sound scared. He sounded skeptical.

                “These hills are crawling with orcs,” Kili said. “They’ll slip in during the night and kill us all. That’s why Thorin has us set a watch.”

                Orcs, in particular, were not the point of the watch. Rolling his eyes, Thorin moved to chastise his nephew. Only, he didn’t need to. It seemed that, despite his soft figure and obvious life of comfort, their burglar was not so naive.

                Bilbo raised one eyebrow as he looked at the prince. “If these hills were crawling with orcs then we wouldn’t have lit a fire. Besides that, I doubt that wargs can remain as silent as orcs. We’d hear them long before they ever snuck up on us.”

                Kili stared at the hobbit before looking over at his brother.

                Fili just shrugged back at him. The attempt to frighten Bilbo did not work out. They’d just have to try something else.

                Bilbo watched the brothers for a moment more before shaking his head. “Honestly,” he muttered under his breath. “They must think I’m stupid.”

                Balin covered his laugh with a cough. “Not stupid, just gullible. They had Ori frightened for quite some time before his brothers found out about it. Nori and Dori didn’t hesitate to remind the princes that they are very protective of their younger brother.”

                Nodding at the dwarf, Bilbo settled down with his book in his lap. He took out his ink and quill before starting to jot down a few of the ideas that he’d had while they’d ridden during the day. If he ever ended up in one of the situations that he was planning for, he’d never have time to consult his book. Granted, he tended to remember things better if he wrote them out. So he still planned things that way. Also, it would be fun, if he lived through the ordeal, and could write down what he’d done and why it worked. The incident with the trolls, for example, he was going to write down in great detail.

                One thing that the fight with the trolls had shown him was how the dwarves fight. They worked together as one unit while fighting. Seeming to know what they were all doing while doing it. They planned hits and moved through their battlefield without the worry of whether or not the others would be there to pick up the slack. It was quite amazing to watch it all happen. That was until they’d been forced to throw down their weapons.

                “What are you writing, Mister Bilbo?”

                Looking up, Bilbo gave Ori a small smile. “I’m just writing down what happened with the trolls. You can just call me Bilbo, Ori. I think we’ve traveled far enough together to be friends.”

                Blushing a bit, Ori fiddled with his scarf before nodding. “I’m making a detailed account of our trip. Mister Thorin brought me along to be his scribe.”

                Very seriously, Bilbo gave Ori a firm nod of his head. “He is quite smart to have someone take an account of the journey. I’d be glad to talk with you, Ori, to make sure you can write about what happened while you weren’t there. I’m sure that you’re a much better writer than I am. Your account of our travels will be marvelous once finished.”

                Ori smiled as he ducked his head. He went back to his pack to get his journal before returning to Bilbo’s side. “Since a quest like ours has never been done by dwarves before, Mister Thorin wants to make sure that we have the whole story.”

                Bilbo spared a second to look over at where the king seemed to not be paying attention to anything as he relaxed back against his pack. He didn’t fool Bilbo for a second. If there was anything that he’d learned so far on his journey, it was that dwarves were a nosy bunch. “Gandalf mentioned that this had not been done before. It is quite amazing when you stop to think that you are a part of the making of such a grand history. Your people will be talking about the bravery of the company for many years to come.”

                Kili snorted at that.

                Bilbo and Ori both ignored him much to the prince’s dismay.

                Shifting in his spot, Ori opened his journal. He made sure to write down everything that Bilbo told him about the trolls. Properly giggling a bit when Bilbo mentioned that he almost told them he was a burglar.

                Feeling his cheeks heat just a little, Bilbo shook his head as he gestured with his hands. “It’s what most of you call me! It just started to slip out. They weren’t smart enough to catch on anyways. In the end, it didn’t matter what they thought I was. I just had to convince them to eat the poison.”

                “Why were you carrying poison in your pocket?”

                Bilbo huffed before waving his hands through the air as if to shoo away any bad thoughts the dwarves might be having. “I brought some things with me from my home when we left. It was the burned house that had me stowing it into my pocket. You can never be too careful. Especially, when a wizard thinks something is wrong.”

                Ori nodded at that. “How did you know how much to give them?”

                Biting at his lip, Bilbo shrugged. “I didn’t. I just gave them all that I had and tried to make sure that they kept ingesting it while I freed you.”

                The rest of the dwarves, as Ori knew, were also listening to the tale. They’d been there for part of Bilbo’s time with the trolls, but not all of it. That and Bilbo was rather good at telling stories. “What happened after we left?”

                “Gandalf broke a giant stone and let sunlight into the little alcove. The trolls had just enough life left in them that they tried to get up to hide but it was too late. The sun turned them to stone.”

                Ori finished writing down the last bit before smiling at the hobbit. “Thank you so much, Bilbo. You’re very good at telling stories.”

                Bilbo felt his chest puff up just a little at the compliment. “I like stories.”

                “Then we should hear another one!”

                Balin, having known that Kili was not one to be ignored for long, sighed. “I think Bilbo has told enough stories for one night.”

                Fili couldn’t help but snort. “He’s only told one.”

                Raising his brows at the young prince, Balin sat back a bit on his pack. “And I think that’s quite enough.”

                Muttering to himself, Fili let it go. He’d been on the receiving end of that look enough times to know that Balin would not budge.

                Kili, on the other hand, had not. “Then you should tell one, Balin. You tell amazing stories.”

                Turning his gaze to the other prince, Balin did his best not to smirk as Kili seemed to deflate a bit. It was good that he still had some control over the princes. “And what story should I tell?”

                The noise that the dwarves made as they all called out stories that could be told was almost deafening. Bilbo stared wide-eyed at them for a moment before he cleared his throat. “I would like to hear the story of how Thorin came to be called Oakenshield.”

                A quiet fell around the camp at that. It had Bilbo biting at his lip, hoping that he hadn’t said something that would upset their leader.

                Carefully, Thorin pushed himself to his feet and took a few steps away from the fire and the others. He turned once to give Balin a nod of his head before looking back out into the darkness of the night. The story was one that dwarves liked to hear and share. It was full of bravery and victory. But all that had come at a price. One that Thorin would never forget easily.

                Bilbo sat entranced, as did the others, as Balin recounted the tale of the battle and the pale orc. It was clear, as he looked at those around him, that the war they’d fought had not ended well. Dwalin’s gaze seemed to be even darker than usual.

                Swallowing hard, Bilbo forced his gaze to the fire. “And the pale orc? What happened to him?”

                Turning back at last, Thorin studied the hobbit for only a second. “That filth died of his injuries long ago.”

                “You saw his body?”

                Thorin shook his head once before returning to his bedroll and laying down. “Gloin, you have first watch.”

                Bilbo knew that he could not say it out loud. It would not be welcomed. The dwarves would all object something fierce. He also did not want to insult Thorin by not believing him. So he picked up his little book and wrote Azog in it before closing it. The dwarves all seemed sure that he was dead, but there was nothing that Bilbo did not plan for.  
  


XXX  
  


                The appearance of Radagast and his yelling about whatever it was that he was yelling about gave them a good enough reason to take a break from riding. Bilbo was quite happy to slip down from Myrtle’s back and walk about. It had not been his intention of listening to what the brown wizard was saying to Gandalf, but Bilbo happened to be close to them in his wandering and noticed the somber air about them. Something was wrong.

                “Are you sure of this?”

                Whatever it was that Radagast gave to Gandalf had the taller wizard stilling. Bilbo did not like it for a moment. He returned to his pony and unstrapped his pack. He was sure that whatever was going to happen, it was going to take a while to happen.

                He was right when Gandalf called that they should have lunch. Thorin did not look pleased, but he allowed it. Bilbo just shook his head and went about getting out some bread and cheese.

                He was lucky that they were finished eating when it happened. Bilbo had been toying with the rocks on the ground beside him and reading through a few pages of his journal when he happened to look up and see it. It was a huge and skulking creature. Almost silent, it slipped down over the hill above Fili and Kili. It moved so quietly that Bilbo knew he was the only one to have seen it. The dwarves were making too much noise while they ate and relaxed to hear the beast.

                Without hesitating, he jumped to his feet, took aim, and threw the stone still in his hands. Bilbo did not miss his mark.

                Fili and Kili yelped as they scrambled to get out of the way of the falling warg.

                Catching himself first, Fili drew one of his knives and sank it into the warg’s head, thinking that it was still alive. “Uncle!”

                Thorin was on his feet within seconds. The warg was dead and everyone was all right, but that didn’t make them safe. “Spread out and arm yourselves. It might be a scout. Look for others.”

                The second warg leapt over some rocks at them but met its end by one of Dwalin’s great hammers.

                Gandalf rounded on Thorin before anything else could be done. “Who did you tell? About this quest, who did you tell?”

                Clenching his jaw, Thorin stood straight and glared back at the wizard. “No one.”

                Fuming, Gandalf turned away from the dwarf. His gaze landed on Bilbo. “You are being hunted.”

                Swallowing hard, Bilbo nodded once before clenching his hands. It was easy for him to go through his mental list of plans to find one for this situation. “My mother, Gandalf, had a rather odd map that she used to show me.”

                Gandalf nodded.

                “Are we close to it?”

                “We could make it but we’ll need a distraction.”

                Bilbo barely let his eyes slide to Radagast before he nodded again. “We have one.”

                Radagast did not need convincing as he took off on his sled. His rabbits were the fastest creatures alive. No wargs or orcs could ever hope to catch them.

                The dwarves seemed to be trying to wrangle the ponies. Bilbo shook his head and took the tack off of Myrtle. “Leave them! We’ll be spotted if we ride. We have to go on foot.”

                Thorin blinked down at the hobbit before scowling. “You are not in charge here, burglar.”

                Bilbo met the king’s glare with one of his own without hesitation. “You are riding ponies that are gentle creatures. They are not prepared for a battle. And a battle is what you will bring them if you ride them. We let them go and some of the wargs might chase after them.”

                Gandalf freed his horse with a quick tap against its rump. The horse darted off into the trees. “He’s right. Release them!”

                Thorin didn’t budge. “And where would you have us go?”

                Bilbo didn’t bother to return the glare as he began searching the ground for more stones. “There is a hidden passageway nearby. We have to go there.”

                “And where does it lead?”

                Bilbo picked up another stone just in time to see another warg break through the trees. The dwarves were too focused on what he and Thorin were saying to see it. Bilbo turned fast enough to throw the stone. It struck the huge, slobbering beast between its eyes. The massive creature fell and did not move. A small amount of blood trickled from its wound.

                As one, the dwarves turned from the dead warg to stare at Bilbo. He ignored their looks of amazement to look right back at the king. “Either we go there or we stay here and die.”

                Thorin, without a word, dismounted from his pony, took his gear, and let it go. The frightened animal ran off into the trees with a cry.

                The other dwarves followed his example as Bilbo looked for more stones. He slipped them into his pockets as he found them. Once they were ready to go, Bilbo nodded to Gandalf. They were as ready as they would ever be.

                The wizard looked down at his small companion before nodding his head in return. “We’ll make it.”

                Patting his pockets, Bilbo smiled a little. “I’ll pick them off if they find us.”

                Then there was no more that could be said. They were running. They were running and Radagast was doing his job. He just wasn’t that good at it. The old wizard kept getting turned around and led the chase too close to them several times.

                Luckily, Gandalf and Thorin kept them moving and kept them safe. Bilbo swore to himself that he’d either get his body into shape for more running or he’d never run another step in his life. He leaned against a rock and sucked in air as he watched Radagast go zooming by. The pack of wargs and orcs that followed him was a sign in and of itself that he was going to have to get into shape. With a groan, they took off again.

                As he knew they eventually would, the orcs caught their scent. Bilbo did not hesitate to help Kili in picking off the ones that got too close. He barely had time to breathe or think as he used stone after stone. Putting the small rocks through the heads of wargs and orcs alike. His shoulder burning in effort with each stone he let fly.

                It was only when Gandalf disappeared that Bilbo knew they’d made it. He stood in the tall grass a ways away from the hidden entrance. If he was too close to the rocks then he didn’t have enough room to turn and throw. The others were smart enough to give him some space and stay close to the protection of the rocks.

                Gandalf popped back up. “Hurry, you fools!”

                Bilbo turned as another orc crested the small hill behind Kili. He gripped the stone in his hand and took aim. “Kili! The orc! Shoot the orc!”

                The prince turned and fired just as Bilbo threw his rock. Both orc and warg went down together.

                “Kili!”

                Bilbo turned to watch as Bifur disappeared among the rocks. Thorin was calling for his nephew to hurry to them. With a quick scan, Bilbo made sure that there were no orcs near enough to hurt any of his companions before he made his way to the passageway. Without hesitating, he threw himself into the opening.

                The dirt and rock were smooth beneath him as he slid into the earth. With a scramble, he managed to get out of the way as Thorin came down behind him. “Gandalf?” he gasped.

                “Everyone is here. We made it.”

                They were all breathing hard, but they were safe. Bilbo nodded his head once before putting his hands on his knees and just breathing for a minute.

                “Hobbit!”

                There went his minute. “Yes, Mister Dwalin.”

                Stomping his way over to the smaller creature, Dwalin couldn’t help but scowl. “Don’t you ‘Mister Dwalin’ me, halfling! What was that?”  
  
                Feeling as though his lungs weren’t burning quite so much, Bilbo pushed himself upright. “What was what?”

                Crossing his arms over his chest, Dwalin stared down at the hobbit. Bilbo did actually look confused. “You were throwing rocks, master burglar. Throwing them faster and harder than Ori can with his slingshot.”

                Bilbo ran his fingers through his hair as he straightened himself out. “I told you all the night that you showed up on my doorstep that I have skill at Conkers. It isn’t my fault that you didn’t know what that meant.”

                “You could have explained it! None of us would have ever thought that wee creature like you could have such a skill.”

                Bilbo raised one eyebrow at the larger dwarf. “You should never judge a book by its cover.”

                As much as he was enjoying the conversation, which was not very much due to the threat that waited for them outside of their hiding spot, Balin stopped it. “Why aren’t they following us down here?”

                The question was no sooner out of his mouth when horns sounded outside their hideout. An orc, clearly dead, rolled down into the hole and stopped at their feet.

                Thorin pulled the arrow and threw it. “Elves.”

                As if that was explanation enough, the rest of the dwarves moved even further from the opening.

                “There’s a pathway. Do we follow it?”

                Bofur was yelling that they should before Bilbo could tell them to. So the hobbit just sucked in another deep breath and moved to follow after the others.

                Dwalin caught the burglar by putting a hand on his shoulder. “We aren’t done, burglar. We’ll be talking about this again later.”

                Nodding just once, Bilbo fell into line. He couldn’t help but grin as he heard Nori and Dori whispering to each other.

                “Do you think he can throw things bigger than those stones?”

                “I don’t know. I don’t think he ever missed either.”

                “We’re going to have to set up a challenge.”

                Gloin turned his head to eye the two brothers for a moment before nodding. “I wager that he never misses a shot.”

                Nori smirked back at him. “I’ll take that bet.”

                Bilbo just sighed.

                The passageway opened up to a rock ledge overlooking a beautiful valley. Bilbo had never been there but he’d heard about it from his mother. The dwarves did not look happy but Bilbo was quite looking forward to spending a little time with the elves. Besides, Gandalf had said before they’d ever left his smial that Thorin needed Elrond to read the map. Now Bilbo just had to figure out he was going to get the stubborn dwarf king to show it to the elf.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fandom is really amazing. I'm so proud to be part of it!

                Bilbo had been prepared for the rudeness of dwarves ever since they’d invaded his smial and eaten all of his food. He wasn’t, however, ready for the elves to be just as petty. It was almost amusing to see that the two races were so similar despite their protests of the other. The hobbit knew better than to point out his discovery, but that didn’t stop him from exchanging humorous glances with Gandalf.

                The first bit with the horses and the intimidation stunt was enough to have Bilbo sighing. He hoped that that would be the end of it, but his mother had taught him better than to rely on hope. So when they were served with only vegetables and no meat, Bilbo bit back a groan. Elrond looked pleased with himself and the other elves were doing a poor job of hiding their smirks.

                Bilbo almost felt sorry for the dwarves until Bofur got on the table and started singing. The scandalized looks the elves wore were well deserved. Bilbo just sniffed before eating some more of his salad. He didn’t feel sorry for any of them.

                It was only after they’d talked about swords and the orcs and their travels so far that Elrond motioned for another elf to lead them to their rooms. Bilbo followed the others quietly so that he could take in the beautiful views of the elven city. It was only when the dwarves began to fuss that his attention was drawn back to them.

                “And if we don’t want to be separated?”  
  
                The elf looked confused as he gestured to the hall. “All the rooms are right here. You won’t be separated.”

                “You’re trying to split us up!”

                Bilbo sighed as Gloin and Oin worked themselves into a tizzy over the idea of having their own rooms. The elf was beginning to look more than just confused as he took the brunt of the dwarves’ ire.

                “I do not know what else to say to you besides that Lord Elrond commanded this.”

                Elbowing his way to the front, Bilbo bowed slightly to the elf. “We thank you for showing us the way. We’ll figure it out from here.”

                Taking the boon, the elf bowed and quickly made his way away.

                Bilbo took a deep breath before he turned to find the company glowering at him. He straightened his posture and scowled right back. “Now, you have all been quite rude. We have been given rooms and beds a plenty. Split yourselves up however you wish to. I’m going to use this room right here. I’m going to get cleaned up and then I’m going to sleep. And if I hear any more complaining or any of you being too loud then I shall put one of my small rocks right between your ears. Don’t think that I won’t.”

                “We’re safer if we sleep together, Master Baggins.”

                Turning to look Gloin straight in the eyes, Bilbo didn’t bother to hide his frown. “We aren’t in any danger here. The elves would not let any harm come to their guests. And beggars, Master dwarf, cannot be choosers.”

                With that, Bilbo stomped his way into his room and closed the door. He didn’t slam it. He just closed it forcefully so that there would be no question as to how serious he was. For just a moment, he leaned against the door and listened. All he could hear was some low talking and the sounds of other doors opening and closing in the hall.

                Relaxing slightly, Bilbo put his pack next to the bed and eyed the washbasin. It wasn’t large enough for him to take a proper bath. A bath that he really wanted what with all the running and sweating he’d been doing.

                Knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to fully rest until he was clean, Bilbo unpacked enough to get his clean clothes out and some soap before he opened his door.

                “Master burglar.”

                Hiding his surprise, Bilbo dipped his head back at the dwarf. “Thorin.”

                “I would apologize on behalf of the others for causing you frustration.”

                Narrowing his eyes, Bilbo studied the dwarf king for a moment before sighing. “I would tell you that you should all apologize to the elves but I don’t think they deserve any apologies. They’re behaving quite badly.”

                Thorin looked to be fighting a smile as he nodded his head in agreement. “Where are you going?”

                Shuffling his clothes in his hands, Bilbo looked down the hall before looking back at Thorin. “I was going to find a bath or see about one being brought to me.”

                Thorin nodded and then gestured towards the end of the hall. “That one has a few tubs. I don’t know how they’re filled but I’m sure they’re for us.”

                It went unsaid that Thorin was sure it was supposed to be another insult toward the way that the dwarves smelled or something. Bilbo ignored the implication by just nodding his head again and making his way to the end of the hall. The dwarves were sure to find insult in everything, just as the elves were probably trying to insult them with everything.  
  


XXX  
  


                Bilbo woke with the sun. He yawned then stretched then just sighed happily. Snuggled beneath his blankets as he was, he was quite content to have a bit of lie in. Then his stomach gurgled and he knew he’d get up.

                Still, it was nice to not wake to the barking of rough orders. Most hobbits were naturally early risers since it gave them more time in the day for eating. Bilbo wasn’t about to waste any of that time. He did not know how long they’d get to stay with the elves. He was determined to use his time there wisely.

                Dressed, washed, and ready for the day, Bilbo made his way down the paths. He let his stomach guide him and eventually found the kitchens. The elves working there were quick to smile when they saw that he was alone. Sighing to himself, Bilbo refrained from shaking his head. Someday someone would have to have a sit down with both races. It just wasn’t going to be him and definitely not today.

                Smiling, Bilbo bowed to the elves at work. “Good morning. I was wondering if you have anything that might fill up a famished hobbit.”

                The elves all smiled but only one returned the bow. “I’m sure we have something that can fill a small thing like you up. You probably don’t eat more than a babe.”

                Bilbo’s smile turned a bit harder though he kept it in place. “I’m sure that whatever you’re making will do just fine for me.”

                The elf led him to a table in an airy courtyard and let him pick a spot to sit before gesturing for others to bring out some porridge and fruit. Bilbo thanked him before digging into the food. He noticed that the elves were sneaking peeks at him while he ate. Bilbo paid them no mind as he cleaned the last bit of porridge out of the bowl.

                Then, blinking as innocently as he knew how, Bilbo turned his eyes upon the elves watching him and asked, “Do you have any more?”

                It became a game. One that Bilbo was not about to lose. They brought him more food and watched as he ate it. Bilbo would have gotten bored with it, but the dwarves started to trickle in little by little. They were all given food without a fuss as the elves were too busy watching Bilbo with growing awe.

                Thorin, one of the last to the table, looked between the elves and Bilbo before leaning over to Fili. “What going on?”

                “I haven’t been here long, but I think Bilbo is doing some kind of eating challenge. The elves keep bringing him more food and he eats it all.”

                Thorin was about to point out that that was stupid. That their hobbit did not eat a lot on the road and so he wouldn’t gorge himself now just because the elves were egging him on. Then Bilbo finished his bowl and his bread and turned to look up at the elf that was serving them. Thorin watched as Bilbo’s eyes seemed to grow wider and the elf seemed to be holding his breath.

                “I don’t want to ask too much of you.”

                “You aren’t a bother at all.”

                “Do you perhaps have a bit more of that lovely pudding with the bananas in it?”

                “Certainly.”

                Thorin knew his mouth was hanging open ever so slightly. But the hobbit just smiled up at the elf as if he was the most innocent creature to ever walk the earth. And the elf left to fetch whatever it was that Bilbo had asked for.

                Bofur, one of the earliest arrives, hummed as he ate his bread and cheese. “That’ll be what, your eleventh portion?”

                Scratching his cheek, Bilbo shifted in his chair before patting his stomach. “Thirteenth.”

                Bombur fell off his chair.

                Thorin really could only gap as Bilbo went from their companion back to some sort of innocent creature when the elf showed up with the pudding. One of them must have done something to have Bilbo attempting to eat them out of house and home. Served them right.

                If any of the dwarves thought that Bilbo was going to start sneaking food to them so the elves had to bring him more, they were mistaken. Bilbo ate everything that the elves brought. To the point where he smacked Kili’s hand for trying to steal some of his toast.

                Thorin watched it all go on for several more rounds before Bilbo dabbed his face with his napkin and pushed his chair away from the table. Looking over their burglar, Thorin noticed that while Bilbo had outeaten all of them, he looked no different. “Are you finished, Master burglar?”

                Smiling over at Thorin, Bilbo straightened his waistcoat and patted his tummy once again. “I’m quite satisfied.” He smirked as he saw Thorin’s eyes shift to someone taller behind him. Surely it was an elf coming to see if Bilbo was done. “That will hold me over quite nicely until second breakfast.”

                The shouts of surprise, Bilbo found, came from both dwarves and elves. He just smiled at them all and then made his way out of the courtyard. He had some time before second breakfast and Rivendell had to have a library somewhere.  
  


XXX  
  


                “I think you are all being quite ridiculous about this.”

                Dwalin crossed his arms over his chest and stared the smaller creature down. Dwarves and elves alike had called him many things during his life. Ridiculous was not one of them. Dwalin knew he had a presence that tended to keep others from speaking their minds in a way that they thought he wouldn’t like. It was refreshing that Bilbo didn’t share that with them. He just wasn’t going to let the hobbit know he thought that.

                So he crossed his arms and put on his most fearsome scowl and waited. It didn’t shock him one bit that Bilbo didn’t cave.

                “I think what Mister Dwalin means,” Ori said. “Is that we’d like to know a bit more about your throwing arm and aim.”

                Bilbo looked from the dwarf frowning at him to the one with his hands raised as if Bilbo was about to run away in fright. “You made bets. All of you. Don’t think I don’t know what this is really about.”

                “Aye, we made bets. That doesn’t change what you can do and that we should know your limits.”

                Huffing, Bilbo crossed his arms over his chest. He was about to refuse to play into their little game when Gandalf appeared.

                “My dear Bilbo, you got to see how they all fought together with the trolls, did you not? It is only fair that your companions are now treated to the same courtesy. Dwarves fight as a unit. If they do not know how you fight then they cannot fight alongside you very well.”

                Bilbo never would have thought that his time in Rivendell was going to be filled with him sighing this much. But sigh he did as he relaxed his posture. “Fine.”

                The cheer that went up from the dwarves did not make him smile. It didn’t.

                “What is it that you want me to do?”

                Grinning now, Dwalin took a step forward and offered Bilbo a small bag. “I saw the stones that you picked up the other day. I want to know if they have to be a certain size or shape or if you can throw just about anything.”

                “And I suppose that just telling you won’t be enough?”

                Dwalin raised an eyebrow and waited for Bilbo to take the bag from him.

                Bilbo huffed again before taking the bag. “Fine. Actions speak louder than words. What are my targets?”

                “We’ll start with stationary ones before moving ones.”

                Ignoring Dwalin for just a moment, Bilbo turned to Gandalf. “I don’t suppose the elves have an archery range that we could use, do they?”

                The twinkle in Gandalf’s eye was enough to tell them that they did.

                The dwarves and hobbit followed Gandalf as he led them through Rivendell. Bilbo wasn’t surprised when more of the company joined them when they realized what was happening. He was surprised, however, when some elves started to follow along behind them.

                The archery range had targets at different distances and different heights. It was a good place for someone that was learning to use a bow. And it would suffice in what they needed.

                Bilbo waited for everyone to settle before he dumped the bag of rocks out onto a small table. He sorted through the stones so that they were separated by size and then again by shape before turning to face the growing crowd. It was Dwalin he addressed since it was Dwalin that wanted to see his skills in the first place. “Hobbits have no need for weapons since we don’t often have any fighting to do. We can, however, throw small things with great accuracy and speed, as you saw with the wargs and orcs.”

                Dwalin nodded. He ignored the whispers in the crowd behind them. “Aye, you did not miss a target that I saw.”

                Smiling just a bit, Bilbo picked up a rock. He weighed it in his hand before tossing it lightly into the air and then catching it. “No, I did not. We have fairs in the Shire. Ones where we can compete against each other in different ways. Most accurate, hardest throw, most complicated feat, etc.”

                “And which one did you win, Mister Boggins?”

                Bilbo heard more than saw Thorin smack Kili on the back of his head for the interruption. It made him smile just a bit more. “You seem to think, Kili, that I am the best in the Shire. I can assure you that I’m not. Hamfast Gamgee, my gardener, is much stronger than I. He can throw a stone farther and harder than any in the Shire.”

                “So in the Shire, you aren’t very good but here you’re the best.”

                Bilbo tipped his head to the side as he looked over at Fili. The young dwarf seemed to think that he was right. So did some of the others with the way they were nodding their heads in agreement. “Kili wasn’t totally wrong. I am the best in one category. Every hobbit can do what you’ve seen me do. We can throw with deadly accuracy.”

                Kili about fell over himself and his brother as he moved to stand. “So what _are_ you good at?”

                Smirking now, Bilbo tossed his rock into the air again before catching it. He was still facing the crowd and away from the targets, but Bilbo knew what he was doing. The rock he had was perfect for what he wanted. He threw it with the right kind of force and spin so that it hit off the stone bench that Fili and Thorin were sitting on. It hit right next to Kili’s knee where he was standing in front of it. Hit off it and ricocheted to smack a target out in the field with a thud. Bits of hay fell to the ground as Bilbo kept his eyes on Kili. He didn’t need to check to know that he’d hit his mark.

                The young prince looked at the target then back at Bilbo then down at the spot where the stone had struck the bench and the back at Bilbo and then once more at the target. He finally closed his mouth and nodded before sitting down.

                Bilbo didn’t have a chance to say anything else before an uproar sounded. The dwarves and elves alike were calling out and demanding answers as to how he did that and if he would do it again. He even got calls to teach a few of the elves his tricks.

                Glancing over at Dwalin, Bilbo realized the dwarf had remained silent where he stood. Smiling just a bit, Bilbo shrugged at the larger dwarf. “Are you sure that what you planned will be enough of a challenge?”

                Dwalin’s answering grin would have made even the fiercest of orcs tremble.

                “Silence!”

                Dwarf and elf alike fell quiet at the demand of the king.

                Thorin huffed just once as he looked at the crowd around him before sitting back down. “If Master Baggins wishes to show us more of his skill then we should be thankful.”

                Bilbo nodded back at the dwarf king before facing Dwalin once more. “You asked about different sizes and shapes. It does matter for different types of throws. For further distances and speed, I’d want something a little smaller and lighter so it doesn’t take as much effort. For things closer, I can throw something bigger. If the stone is bigger than my hand then I’d use it to knock someone out rather than kill them. Though, I can throw a large stone further with deadly accuracy if I use two hands.”

                “How many can you throw before you wear your arm out?”

                Pleased that Dwalin was smart enough to know that Bilbo did have a limit, the hobbit smiled. “I haven’t found that out yet. I was a bit sore from the orcs and wargs but nothing more than that.”

                “How often do you practice?”

                “Hmmm, in the Shire when the competition isn’t for months, maybe once or twice a week. During the summer in the days leading up to it, every day.”

                Nodding at that, Dwalin motioned to the rocks on the table. “Let’s start with these. Set aside ten that are similar. Good. Now, I want to see you throw the largest one that you can and still hit the furthest target.”

                Bilbo did as Dwalin instructed. He threw large stones far, small stones farther yet. He threw a couple more trick shots that had his audience cheering. Then, when he was down to the ten that Dwalin had had him set aside, he paused. “And these?”

                Smirking now, Dwalin motioned to the range. “One for each target. As fast as you can, burglar.”

                Ah, so the dwarf wanted to see how quickly Bilbo could throw and still be accurate. “Are your eyes sharp enough to tell if I miss?”

                Gesturing behind him, Dwalin didn’t bother to look away from Bilbo’s gaze. “The elves can tell if you hit your target or not. They haven’t been quiet about how accurate you’ve been so far.”

                Nodding to that, Bilbo took the last ten rocks into his hands and moved so that he was at the center of the range. It felt like everyone but he and Dwalin were holding their breaths as he moved all but one stone into his left hand. He looked back at Dwalin and waited for the burly dwarf to nod before he began to throw them.

                Bilbo did not need to look to know that his aim was true. He hit each target as he threw the stones. It took him less than a second to shift a stone into his right hand and throw it at the next target. The last two, however, he threw at the same time. One from his right hand and one from his left. They hit their targets just like the others had.

                Bilbo turned to face Dwalin once more as his onlookers cheered.

                “So, accuracy and strength no matter which arm you use. Is your left just as good as your right?”

                Smirking now, Bilbo nodded. “I do trick shots, Mister Dwalin. I can hit anything with either hand.”

                Slowly, the grin spread over Dwalin’s face. “We should have brought more hobbits.”

                Laughing at that, Bilbo took a step closer to the dwarf as the crowd behind them continued to cheer and call out for him to throw more. “We might like to show off our skills when it comes to games, but you won’t find a hobbit in all of the Shire that would willingly use their skill to kill.”

                Dwalin took a moment to look at their burglar. “Is that because you’re already here with us?”

                Bilbo could only shrug before turning to face the crowd. “I would love to show off for you some more, but maybe later. It’s almost time for afternoon tea.”

                Thorin saw the way that Bilbo’s smile suddenly turned sweet as he looked at the elves. Whatever they’d done, Bilbo hadn’t forgiven them yet.  
  


XXX  
  
                “I hear that you are an expert marksman, Master hobbit.”

                Bilbo had enough grace to not choke on his food. He turned with wide eyes to look at Elrond. The elf was smirking right back at him. “I did not mean to cause such a stir, my Lord.”  
  
                Waving him off, Elrond leaned back in his seat as he studied the hobbit before him. “Not to worry, my sons were simply excited by your display of skill. In fact, I do believe they are planning to go to the Shire this summer to watch the games.”

                Blushing at that, Bilbo shook his head before taking a sip of his drink. “I’m sure they’ll be stared at an awful lot, but they’d be welcome to watch.”

                “I’ll pass that along, though I’m sure that they don’t need any encouragement.”

                Bilbo thought that would be the end of their exchange. He had not expected Elrond to find him while he was having dinner but found he had been. “Is there anything else, my Lord?”  
  
                “You have been here for several days, Master hobbit. My staff have told me that you eat quite a bit for one so small. I was told that you partake in seven meals a day and that most are not light.”

                “Am I causing too much strain on your kitchens?”

                Elrond laughed as he leaned forward in his chair once more. “I see now that something must have happened. Whatever it was, please take my apologies on behalf of my staff. Many have not found a reason to leave Rivendell in many decades.”

                “While hobbits do eat seven meals a day, I have to admit that I have been eating a tad bit more than usual. At first, because they had been a little rude. But now it is because I am not sure how long we’ll be staying and I can’t eat this well while on the road.”

                “You may eat your fill as often as you’d like, Master Hobbit.”

                “I thank you, my Lord.”

                Elrond smiled in return and stood to leave the hobbit to his meal when Gandalf entered the courtyard.

                “There you are, Bilbo. I need your help to convince Thorin to ask for help.”

                Narrowing his gaze at the wizard. Bilbo took another bite of his meal. He knew exactly what Gandalf was doing. One of them was a great planner and the other was a meddler. Hobbits did not meddle.

                “If there is anything I can do to be of service, please let me know.”

                Gandalf smiled at Elrond before nodding back to Bilbo. “Lord Elrond, I see that you are already keeping our hobbit well fed. He has had to go without while on the road.”

                “There are many things that I have had to go without. Meddling wizards is not one of them.”

                Gandalf just kept smiling.

                Bilbo sighed yet again before pushing himself to his feet. “Well, I’ll go get Balin and Thorin and we’ll just meet you two.”

                Bilbo did his best to ignore the way that Gandalf was grinning at him as he left.

                Finding Thorin and Balin was much easier than convincing them they should go with him. He knew being subtle about his reasons for them to go with him wouldn’t work so he tackled the request head-on. “We should show Elrond the map.”

“That map is an heirloom to my people. I would not easily put it into the hands of an elf.”

Bilbo narrowed his gaze at the stubborn king. “I am not suggesting that you let him keep it, Thorin. I’m only saying that he can read it so we should have him do so.”

                Balin, seeing that Thorin and Bilbo would sort themselves out, stood to the side and let them bicker.

                “I don’t know why you’re pushing this now. You seem to be having a grand time with the elves despite our purpose for this quest.”

                “Our purpose,” Bilbo said as he held himself from going onto the tips of his toes so that he was a bit taller. “Our purpose is to make it to the mountain!”

                “And we will if we ever quit wasting time and leave this place!

 “We are here in Rivendell for a purpose, Thorin, and it has nothing to do with throwing rocks and eating food. We cannot read your map. This quest will before naught if we don’t ask for help.”

                Balin narrowed his gaze but held his tongue. He didn’t like the idea of showing the map to the elves, but they didn’t have a choice.

                Thorin looked between Bilbo and Balin before nodding. He showed defeat in the movement as he slumped from his stiff posture. “Fine. We’ll do it your way.”

                Bilbo did not like the idea of Thorin being any less regal than usual. They had to show Elrond the map, but that didn’t mean that Bilbo wanted Thorin to lose something to do so. “If we are to be successful then we need to take every advantage that we have. We can get to the mountain easy enough, but finding the door will be impossible if we don’t have all the information.”

                Nodding once more, Thorin squared his shoulders and motioned for Bilbo to lead the way. “We’ll let the elf try.”

                Bilbo knew that he could not ask for more than that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no fandom like this one.

                Gandalf had twinkled some more in his direction when Bilbo led Balin and Thorin to where the wizard was with Elrond. Bilbo refused to acknowledge him as he stayed by the dwarves’ sides. If there was one thing he could trust Gandalf to do, it was make more of a mess than this situation already was.

                Elrond, clearly not knowing why it was that they were meeting with him, stood off to the side as Gandalf turned to face them. Bilbo had to hold himself back from wincing when the wizard spoke.

                “Show him the map, Thorin.”

                Grumbling, Thorin drew it out of his pocket. He hesitated for only a moment before he handed it over to Elrond. It took a lot for Thorin to let it go.

                Elrond unfolded the map before reading the front of it. He looked at the parchment and then up at the four creatures before him. “The Lonely Mountain?”

                “We wish to know all about it, for academic purposes, of course.”

                Bilbo had to clench his hands at his sides so he wouldn’t smack himself in the face. Gandalf was a little too much at times.

                “There are moon runes are here. Ones that can only be read in the light of the same moon that they were written under.”

                Thorin and Balin both perked up at that.

                Bilbo just watched Lord Elrond’s face as he looked over the map. “That’s not tonight, is it?”

                Shaking his head, Elrond looked up from the map and down at the hobbit. “If my calculations are correct then I’ll be able to read it in four nights from now.”

                Nodding his head at that, Bilbo opened his mouth to reply but was cut off.

                “And what if they aren’t correct?”

                Sighing to himself at the bluntness of dwarves, Bilbo just waited to see what Lord Elrond would say.

                Frowning a bit, Elrond looked from the hobbit to Thorin. There was no way that he had believed the quip Gandalf had said about them wanting to read it for academic reasons. There was nothing that the wizard did that was without purpose. Still, he didn’t want to hinder his guests if they were doing something important. “I shall take a closer look at it. I can examine it further to find out if I’m right or wrong. If it is a pressing issue that I read this map then I can take it to my moon rune table every night until I can read it.”

                Balin and Thorin looked like they might actually agree that Lord Elrond should go out of his way to read the map. Bilbo cleared his throat to draw attention to himself. “There’s no need for that, my Lord. If you are certain that the night is in four days from now then we shall simply come back here and meet on that night.”

                Bowing his head, mostly to hide his smile, Elrond noticed the glares that the two dwarves were shooting at their companion. Bilbo seemed to either not notice or care. “If you would allow me but a few more minutes, I can tell you for certain what night we can read them on.”

                Bilbo smiled up at the elf and nodded his head before anyone could say anything in reply. “If a few minutes more is what you need for accuracy then, by all means, take those minutes. We aren’t in a rush.”

                Thorin had to hold himself back from stomping his way over to his burglar and demanding that he be quiet and let him handle this. It was his map. But one small look from Bilbo had him staying where he was. It was clear to him that the hobbit was already a bit annoyed with him and probably Gandalf if those looks were any indication.

                Shifting in his spot to hide his sigh, Thorin just stood quietly as Elrond continued to study the map. Knowing with certainty when the map could be read was important. He could stand to be there a few more minutes if it helped to further their quest.

                “Yes, I was originally correct. We need a crescent moon. In four nights, we shall have that moon. I can meet you, gentlemen, all here and lead you to my moon rune reading table on that night.”

                Bilbo was quick to bow to Lord Elrond. He approached the elf slowly and took the map from his hands. “Thank you for your help this evening, Lord Elrond. I hope that we have not kept you from something important.”

                Smiling, as if he knew what Bilbo was doing, Elrond returned the small bow. “There is nothing more important than helping guests, even if it only for academic reasons.”

                Bilbo grimaced a bit at that but hid it as he turned back to Thorin and Balin. Without folding it, Bilbo returned the map to the dwarf king before nodding and walking away. He knew that Balin and Thorin would be following him even if Gandalf and Elrond did not.

                “Four days? We have to stay here for another four days?”

                Balin sounded a bit disappointed. Bilbo couldn’t blame him. They’d already been there for a week. “We can’t leave until we get the map read. We’re lucky that’s it is only four days rather than six months.”

                Sighing at that, Thorin fell into step beside the hobbit. “You’re right there. We’re just impatient. Starting this quest was hard enough. We do not want to continue to be delayed.”

                “And I understand that, but there is no use complaining about it.”

                Thorin chuckled. He hadn’t meant to. It just slipped out. The answering grin he got from Bilbo made him a bit glad that it had. “I’ll talk with the company. We all will when we get back. These four days will be used wisely.”

                Bilbo wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by wisely. His glance back at Balin didn’t give him anything either. The older dwarf seemed to be staring intently at the back of Thorin’s head. Bilbo thought it strange, but he thought most of the things the dwarves did were strange.

                The rest of the company was in the hall that they’d been given. What they were doing in the hall instead of their rooms, Bilbo didn’t really know. He was aware that some of them were still a little suspicious that the elves meant them harm. He was rather glad that he didn’t have to be planning anything while they were in Rivendell. Nothing was going to happen to them while they were there.

                “Listen up. Is everyone here?”

                There were murmurs that they were all present.

                Thorin looked from one dwarf to the next before he gave them a firm nod. “The map can be read by Lord Elrond in four days’ time. We will remain here until after the map is read. These four days are all that we have until we return to our journey. Rest up. Oin, restock whatever you need. Bombur, start gathering supplies without making it too obvious. We don’t want the elves to become suspicious of us or our purpose.”

                Clearing his throat, Fili raised his hand to draw attention to himself. He immediately dropped his hand when he saw Kili laughing at him. “What did you tell Lord Elrond about the map?”

                Bilbo stepped forward to stand beside Thorin before anything else could be said. “Gandalf told him we were interested in it for academic purposes.”

                “Well, that was smart!”

                Dropping his head into his hands, Bilbo just shook his head.

                Thorin looked from where the dwarves were still smiling and looking pleased with Gandalf’s quick thinking to where Bilbo looked dismayed. “You didn’t look happy when he said that to Lord Elrond. Why?”  
  
                “Why?” Bilbo asked as he lifted his head. He knew he had the attention of the entire company now even if he was only looking at Thorin. “Because it was unbelievable. I mean, having Balin there helped a little, but the rest of the company being here with you for academic reasons is unbelievable. Ori could maybe help with that lie, but the rest of them are definitely not. Sure, we could explain away Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Bombur, Oin, and maybe Dori if we get lucky. But the rest of this lot makes it clear to Lord Elrond that Gandalf was lying through his teeth.”

                “And what,” Thorin said as he turned fully toward the hobbit. “Would you have said to him?”  
  
                Sighing, Bilbo shook his head. “I wouldn’t have said anything. Lord Elrond wasn’t asking a question. If he had asked, I would have told the truth. Or at least part of it. You got the map passed down to you from your father and were curious as to what it was. Nothing more.”

                Thorin nodded his head at that. It made sense. One look at the company showed him that they thought Bilbo was rather smart. They also didn’t look offended that he had implied that they weren’t fit to be scholars. “Gandalf must have had his reasons.”

                Snorting, Bilbo shook his head again. “Wizards always do. That doesn’t make their actions right. He was telling Lord Elrond without telling him.”

                “We’ve been betrayed?”

                Bilbo did not know what it was that always had either Oin or Gloin acting dramatically. It was something, however, that he had noted down. “He did not betray us. In fact, he was securing us help if the need should arise. Lord Elrond agreed to read the map even though he knew the true purpose of our quest. He is supporting you without saying that he’s supporting you.”

                The company seemed to settle down at that.

                Thorin studied the hobbit for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. “We’ll need a bit of a distraction over the next few days in order to gather supplies.”

                Fili and Kili traded grins before looking at their hobbit. “Master Boggins!”

                Sighing, Bilbo turned to face the princes. “What?”

                “You’ll be a great distraction. You can throw stuff. The elves love watching that. Then some of us can sneak away to grab some things and come back without being missed.”

                It wasn’t a bad plan as far as dwarven plans went. “Fine, but I’ll only be a distraction twice. Once tomorrow and then on the third day. In the morning, those that are going to be doing the sneaking should meet with Bombur and me to figure out what you’re going to take this early and how.”

                Gloin glared at their hobbit. “Why are you suddenly so keen to not stand up for the elves like you have been since we got here?”

                Sighing, Bilbo met the glare with a neutral look. Dwarves tended to be a suspicious lot until they accepted you. That was something he’d quickly figured out about them. “Because you should always hope for the best but plan for the worst.”

                No one argued with that. Thorin dismissed them shortly after.  
  


XXX  
  


                Bilbo wandered through the gardens. His stomach was pleasantly full from their supper meal. If the elves noticed that things had gone missing from their various pantries they hadn’t shown it. Bilbo thought the day was a good one, all in all.

                Of course, he wasn’t surprised when his walk was cut short by a particular brooding king. “Thorin.”

                Turning, Thorin nodded to the hobbit before he went back to staring out over a small pond. If everything went to plan, they wouldn’t have much longer to enjoy the peace of Rivendell.

                Moving to stand beside the king on the balcony that he was on, Bilbo took in the view for a moment before sighing. “It’s a nice night.”

                Thorin hummed in agreement.

                “What are you doing up here?”

                “Thinking.”

                “They must be dark thoughts.”

                Startled a bit, Thorin glanced down at the hobbit. Bilbo wasn’t looking back at him. “Why do you say that?”

                “Because of your frown. No one frowns when they’re thinking happy thoughts.”

                Thorin had to hide his smile at that response. “You are very observant, Master Hobbit.”

                Shrugging, Bilbo continued to look at the way the moonlight reflected in the pond before them. “My mother raised me to always be thinking ahead and planning. My father raised me to be observant.”

                “They must be proud of you.”

                “They were.”

                Thorin wasn’t sure what to say. He had lost his parents as well. It never made him feel better when someone told him that they felt sorry for him. “So what plans have you been working on then?”

                Bilbo couldn’t help but smile a bit at the question. Thorin was the type that liked to have an outline of a plan and hope for the best. “The one that I’ve been working on lately is how we’re going to leave.”

                “What do you mean? I thought you said that Lord Elrond supports us.”

                “He might, but that doesn’t mean that all the elves in Middle Earth do.”

                Thorin hummed in response to that. Before he had the chance to say anything else, he was distracted by the sound of voices coming from below him.

                “Some would not deem it wise to return to the mountain.”

                “It is Thorin’s birthright. He has every right to return to his home. We’ve let that worm sit there long enough.”

                “And if he should fall to the madness of his line?”

                “Thorin is strong.”

                Whatever else Gandalf and Elrond were going to say was lost to them as they wandered too far away from the balcony.

                Thorin stood rigid for a moment before turning to look down at Bilbo.

                Bilbo stared back up at the dwarf king for several minutes without either of them moving. “Thorin,-“

                “Is madness something you have a plan for?”

                Bilbo knew that Thorin didn’t want a response. He simply stood there and watched as Thorin shook his head before he stomped away. Bilbo didn’t blame him one bit. He would have been angry as well if someone had revealed something personal about him to someone he didn’t think should know.

                But now that he did know, Bilbo couldn’t forget. There was a chance that something in the mountain could make Thorin go mad. And if there was any possibility of something happening then Bilbo was going to have a plan for it.  
  


XXX  
  


                The next day, since it was one between him showing off his throwing skills, was spent in the library. Bilbo did not ask the elves for help. He could read Sindarin just fine. Whether or not anyone else knew that wasn’t important.

                Each of the books he read on mental health had different things to say about madness. The cure depended on the type of madness. If it was grief-related then only time could heal it. If it was battle-related then the person had to be tired out. If it was gold-related then removing the person from the treasure would eventually help.

                Removing Thorin from the mountain right after he retook it wasn’t something that was going to work. There was no way that any of the dwarves would want to leave once they had their home back. Bilbo was going to have to think of something else. He had time.

                “Bilbo! There you are!”

                “Yes, Mister Boggins! You can settle this for us.”

                Bilbo put down his book to look at the two princes entering the library he was in. “What are you two up to?”

                “We are having a bit of a discussion.”

                “An argument really.”  
  
                “About the warg and orc attack.”

                “Kili says that because he killed so many with his bow and arrows that that means that he was the most helpful.”

                “And Fili says that since he killed the first warg and let us all know that there was danger that he was.”

                Bilbo looked at the two brothers for a moment before shaking his head. “I can answer this but neither of you will like it.”

                Fili and Kili shared a very similar frown.

                “We would hear your answer.”

                “Come on, Mister Boggins.”

                Sighing, Bilbo got up and put the book he’d been reading away. It hadn’t been all that helpful so he was done with it. “Neither of you were the most helpful. If you go by Fili’s standards then he’s out because he didn’t kill the first warg.”

                “Yes, I did! I stabbed it right in the brain.”

                Bilbo gave the brothers an unamused look. “And how did that warg happen to get to you? Did it trip and fall down the slope and then just lay there ready to be killed?”

                Fili’s eyes widened before he pointed at Bilbo. “You! You saw it coming and killed it before the rest of us even knew it was there.”

                Ignoring him, Bilbo turned to Kili. “And if we go by Kili’s standards that he was the most helpful because of all the orcs and wargs he killed then…”

                Kili stood with his mouth hanging open as he stared at the smug hobbit before him. “You. You killed more than me, Mister Boggins?”

                Bilbo shrugged before wandering out of the room to leave the two confounded brothers behind him. He figured they probably needed a little bit of time to process what he’d just told them.

                Bilbo was still chuckling to himself when he rounded a corner and ran directly into a very firm chest. Looking up, Bilbo’s smile only grew when he found Thorin staring down at him.

                Catching the hobbit so he wouldn’t fall backward, Thorin couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips. “And what, Master Burglar, has you looking so pleased with yourself?”

                Taking a step back and noting that Thorin hadn’t removed his hands from his shoulders, Bilbo chuckled a bit. “I just ran into your nephews. Well, more like they sought me out.”

                “Ah, and would they be still arguing about which of them is better than the other?”  
  
                “They were, but not anymore.”

                “So you settled it.”

                “I did.”

                “And which of my nephews is going to be completely unbearable?”

                “They both will, I should think.”

                Thorin gave up the battle and let a smile slip onto his lips. “What did you do?”  
  
                “Do?” Bilbo asked while trying to look as innocent as possible. “I merely pointed out that their arguments weren’t sound. Fili didn’t kill the first warg and Kili didn’t kill the most wargs or orcs.”

                Thorin merely blinked for a second or two before he let out a bark of laughter.

                Bilbo ducked his head, pleased with himself for getting Thorin to laugh as he did.

                Pulling himself together, Thorin squeezed Bilbo’s shoulders before removing his hands from them. “I think you’re right. They’re both going to be unbearable for a while.”

                Bilbo was about to say something else when two young dwarves came barreling around the corner. He was glad that Thorin had released him. Bilbo just stepped to the side and watched as Fili and Kili slammed into Thorin’s chest. It was quite impressive that the two of them together were not enough to make Thorin fall. He hadn’t even taken a step back.

                Something warm curled in Bilbo’s gut at the thought of just how strong Thorin was. Seeing him with his nephews, as he was clearly humoring them, made it flare up to a point where Bilbo knew it wasn’t going to go away.

                Sighing to himself, Bilbo made a mental note to jot a couple of different plans down in his book for what to do with his growing feelings for a certain dwarf king.

                “Uncle! Don’t believe Bilbo!”

                “Mister Boggins has lost his mind!”

                Chuckling at them, Thorin pushed the boys back. He clasped one hand on Fili’s shoulder and the other on Kili’s shoulder. “I told you that if you wanted it settled that you should ask him. I didn’t say you would like his answer.”

                “You know,” Bilbo said. “If you two trained with Dwalin half as much as I do then you might be able to beat me in the next fight.”

                Fili and Kili stared at him once more with their mouths hanging open.

                Amused, Thorin hummed as if he was giving Bilbo’s comment some thought. “I bet the elves wouldn’t be adverse to Kili using their range to practice a bit.”

                Trying really hard not to laugh, Bilbo nodded his head. “And Dwalin’s always looking for someone to spar with.”

                Fili looked at Kili at the same time that Kili looked at Fili. Both brothers turned to Bilbo at the same time. The gleam in their eyes had the hobbit biting his tongue to keep himself from laughing.

                “This isn’t over, Mister Boggins.”

                “We’ll see whose better after our next battle.”

                “May the best dwarf win.”

                Thorin and Bilbo waited for Kili and Fili to disappear around a different corner before they started snickering into their hands.

                “I can’t believe they just fell for that!”

                Trying his best to calm down a bit, Thorin shook his head. “They’ve always been really competitive. I should have just used this as an excuse to get them to train with Dwalin years ago.”

                Wiping his eyes a bit, Bilbo took a deep breath before replying. “Do you think Dwalin’s going to be surprised when they pounce on him?”  
  
                “I’m fairly certain he’ll take it in stride and have them running laps in no time.”

                Humming at that, Bilbo straightened his waistcoat before clearing his throat. “Well, I suppose I should explain to him what happened at some point. That way if they start slacking, I can get them back on track.”

                “I’m pretty sure if you just smirk at them from a distance they’ll scramble to practice.”

                It wasn’t that Bilbo thought that either of the brothers needed to be training more. It was just that he noticed while they were traveling that Dwalin would call certain members of the company on certain days to do a bit of sparring. Whenever it was time for Kili and Fili to fight him, they’d suddenly be really busy.

                Noticing that Bilbo’s smile was still tugging at his lips, Thorin grinned a bit. “Come, Master Baggins. Let’s go see if they made it all the way to Dwalin.”  
  


XXX  
  


                Bilbo was pleased to see that Lord Elrond stayed true to his word. On the fourth night, they met at the same place as before. “Are we all ready to find out what secrets that map is keeping?”

                Thorin tried his best to keep his face looking grim and disinterested. He had a hard time not letting his excitement show. Though the past few days in Rivendell had been sort of fun, he was ready to get back on the road.

                Turning to the dwarf king, Elrond bowed slightly. “The map?”

                Pulling it out from inside of his coat, Thorin handed it to the elf. “You said you had a table?”

                Smiling a bit, Elrond turned. He motioned for the others to follow him. “Right this way.”

                Bilbo openly gaped when they walked through a doorway and were suddenly on a cliff next to a beautiful waterfall. There was a small glass table toward the edge of the cliff. It made sense to use one like that to read moon runes.

                Thorin moved forward as Elrond did. He watched carefully as the elf placed the map on the table.

                “We only need a bit of moonlight to read what’s being hidden.”

                Bilbo held his breath as the clouds parted and a beam of moonlight fell upon the table. For a moment, nothing happened. Then the words were revealed.

                Elrond read them out in the language they were written first before translating them to common for Bilbo to understand. He’d always suspected that there was a secret door to get into the mountain. It was sort of nice to be right, even if he wasn’t sure what their plans were.

                Thorin turned to Balin. “We have time.”

                Balin nodded as he stepped closer to Thorin. “We will have to be in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time.”

                “We can make it.”

                Bilbo cleared his throat to have the two dwarves stop with their plan-making in front of Lord Elrond. “Thank you, my Lord, for your help this evening.”

                Frowning down at the hobbit, Elrond studied Bilbo for a second. “So this is your purpose.”

                Nodding at the elf, Bilbo moved forward to take the map from him once more. “As you have already guessed.”

                “Some would not deem it wise.”

                Shrugging, Bilbo looked at the elf before looking behind him at Balin and Thorin. They were both watching him but he decided to ignore them. “They’re dwarves, my Lord Elrond. They don’t always do what is wise. But they always do what is right.”

                Elrond tilted his head as he looked at the hobbit before him. He had met many creatures in his long life, but Bilbo was different from any creature that he had met before. “There are those that would try to stop you.”

                Bilbo held up his hand as Thorin shifted behind him. “There are always people who think they know better. Gandalf is right. Smaug has been napping for too long.”

                Gandalf stepped forward to place his hand on Bilbo’s shoulder. “We appreciate your help, Lord Elrond, but we do not answer to you.”

                Smiling a bit at that, Elrond turned back to the door they’d come through. “It is not me that you will have to answer to.”

                Gandalf froze for a second before turning to face Elrond. “Did you send for them?”  
  
                “No one sends for the White Council. You know this.”

                Bilbo looked from Lord Elrond to Gandalf to Thorin. He was actually relieved to see that Thorin looked confused, too. “The White Council?”

                Turning to his small friend, Gandalf dropped to one knee. “Bilbo, you will have to leave tonight. All of you. You will have to slip away under the cover of darkness.”

                Smiling at Gandalf, Bilbo reached forward to place his hand on Gandalf’s shoulder just as Gandalf was doing to him. “My dear Gandalf, we’ve been ready to leave since this morning. What’s this White Council nonsense that you two are going on about?”

                Gandalf couldn’t help but chuckle. Leave it to Bilbo to dismiss the White Council without major concern. “The White Council is made up of several powerful beings. We help those that need help.”

                Thorin said something in dwarfish in reply. Bilbo knew it was something rude by how he said it. Still, he ignored the king just as Gandalf did. “And these powerful people, they will want to stop us.”

                “Yes.”

                Narrowing his gaze, Bilbo studied Gandalf’s face for a moment more. “You are on this council, aren’t you?”

                “Lord Elrond and I are both on the council.”

                “Who else?”  
  
                “The Lady Galadriel and Saruman the White.”

                Bilbo nodded his head once. “So the threat will be from Saruman. Do you, by any chance, have that sword that Radagast gave you?”

                Gandalf frowned for a moment before sighing. “You really should stay out of wizard’s business.”

                Bilbo didn’t bother to bite back a wicked smile. “Then you wizards should really learn how to whisper.”

                Elrond turned his laugh into a cough.

                “Take the sword. Distract Saruman with it while we slip away. I’m not stupid enough to think anyone capable of tricking the Lady Galadriel.”

                “You are wise for one so young.”

                “I’ve read plenty about her while I’ve been here.”

                Elrond paused at that. “We don’t have any books here containing knowledge about her written in the common tongue.”

                Bilbo held himself back from rolling his eyes. “No, you don’t.”

                Thorin cleared his throat. “It seems the hobbit is full of surprises. We must go.”

                Gandalf nodded before getting back to his feet. “Lord Elrond and I will go to meet the rest of the council. Gather the others and make for the hidden pass. I will meet you in the mountains.”

                Bilbo narrowed his eyes at the wizard but said nothing. It wasn’t like they had more time to make a better plan than just to meet up in the mountains. “Go on then. We’ll see you sometime, I’m sure.”

                Thorin grabbed Bilbo’s arm to pull him from the map reading room if it could be called a room. They had to hurry to the others. “Come on, hobbit.”

                Pulling his arm from Thorin’s grasp, Bilbo slowed down until he was strolling more than walking with purpose. “You two, walk beside me now.”

                The hissed instructions had Thorin stopping to turn and face Bilbo. “What now? We need to hurry.”

                “No,” Bilbo replied. “We need to look like we’re discussing what we just learned from Lord Elrond. We need to look like we’re just heading back to our rooms for a lovely evening. We do not want to look like we’re getting ready to run away.”

                Balin blinked a couple of times before sighing. “He’s right, Thorin. We can’t look suspicious. Bilbo, give me the map. Let’s pretend to look at it as we walk.”

                Smiling at the older dwarf, Bilbo gladly did as Balin asked. They walked together until they reached Thorin. Bilbo had to tug on his arm to make him match their pace and walk with them. “We have to give Gandalf time to get to the meeting and properly distract Saruman.”

                Thorin tried to make it look like he was looking at whatever Balin was pointing at on the map. “How do you know so much about Saruman? The White Wizard barely leaves his tower. I’ve never met him before.”

                “I read, Thorin.”

                Scoffing, Thorin tugged at Bilbo’s arm without slowing them down. “Read what? I’m sure you don’t get many exciting books about the world in the Shire.”  
  
                “We don’t. I have the greatest library in all the Shire. I have had to travel for it, too. Though sometimes I get the Rangers to bring me books from far off places.”

                “Is that how you learned Sindarin?”  
  
                Sniffing a bit, Bilbo tried not to let the spite in Thorin’s tone bother him. “My mother taught me. She also taught me several languages of men, the language of the Ents, and the language of the Great Eagles.”

                Thorin did stop at that. “Why would you learn all those languages? I thought hobbits didn’t leave the Shire?”

                Bilbo couldn’t help but smirk before motioning to himself. “I am proof enough that they do, though I suppose you’re right in a way since I don’t think any other hobbit would leave the Shire.”

                “The languages, Bilbo,” Balin said.

                Sighing, Bilbo started walking again. “She just wanted me to be prepared. She had a few adventures when she was younger. Before she married my father she traveled a bit. She told me how she’d been cheated by some men because they could speak a different language that she didn’t understand. So she learned it.”

                Thorin fell silent at that. His own mother had stressed to him the importance of knowledge. He just hadn’t understood then why it was important. The years of wandering he’d done had taught him that lesson well. “Come, hobbit. We must ready the others.”

                Bilbo nodded. He let the other two talk over his head while they made the rest of the journey back to their quarters.

                Bofur sat on a chair in the hall. He smiled at them as they walked up. “Did it go well?”

                Thorin nodded at him. “Get the others.”

                Bofur let out a whistle. One that everyone knew meant they had to come out and see what was happening, which was exactly what they did.

                Thorin looked at the members of his company before smiling. “There is a door and we know what we must do.”

                A small cheer went up. One that Balin and Bilbo did not participate in.

                “What is it, uncle? Why do you look so gloomy?”

                Bilbo stepped forward before Thorin had a chance to answer. “We must leave immediately. Gather your things.”

                There was a moment of silence before Thorin nodded.

                The dwarves scrambled to do what they said.

                Bilbo slipped into his room. His pack was ready beside his bed where he’d left it. Hefting it onto his shoulders, Bilbo looked around the room to make sure he had everything before taking up his walking stick.

                _“Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.”_

Bilbo froze for a moment before relaxing. “My Lady.”

                _“You would trust these dwarves?”_  
  
                “With my life, my Lady.”

                _“You are trusting them with all of our lives by helping them.”_

“I trust them with that, too.”

                _“You have a question for me.”_

Hesitating for only a moment, Bilbo shifted on his feet. There was a quiet knock on his door but no one pushed it open. Someone was just telling him to hurry. “I do.”

                _“Ask it.”_

“Gold madness, my Lady. How do I cure it? The books here were not very helpful on the topic.”

                _“Elves do not fall for gold madness. We love living things and starlight more than gold.”_

“Ah, yes. But you have also lived a very long time, my Lady. You are as clever as you are wise.”

                _“I suppose the best way to cure or prevent gold sickness is to give the person something to love more than they do gold.”_

“And if that is not enough?”

                _“Gandalf tells me that there is no creature like you in all the world, Bilbo Baggins. I believe that when the time comes, you will know exactly what to do.”_

Grimacing, Bilbo moved toward his door. “Thank you, my Lady.”

                _“Go, Bilbo Baggins. Take care of your dwarves.”_

Laughing a bit at that, Bilbo stepped out of his room to see the company waiting for him. “I would trust no other.”

                Thorin frowned as he counted everyone again. “Who are you talking to?”

                “Myself, I suppose.”  
  
                “You suppose?”

                Grinning at their leader, Bilbo moved to stand by his side. “Come on then. There’s no time like the present.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a little late with this update.

                The storm was not helping things. The rain weighed them down further. It was agony trying to walk along the narrow ridge in such abysmal weather. Bilbo knew that he wasn’t the only one that thought so despite the dwarves loving the mountains when they first entered them.

                That had been hours ago when the sun was still shining and everyone was in a good mood. The laughter and cheer had disappeared with the sun when the storm clouds had first rolled in. The fact that Gandalf had yet to catch up to them wasn’t helping.

                Thorin knew better than anyone that they needed to find a place to make camp. There just wasn’t room on the cliff they were walking along. They had no choice but to keep going.

                Then the screaming started.

                “Bless my beard! The legends are true!”

                “Stone giants!”

                Bilbo was already feeling very much done with the day. The time in Rivendell had not made him ready for such a rough day back on the road. He knew that his bedroll in his pack had been soaked through hours ago but he wanted to curl up in it anyway.

                He was imagining a nice little cave with a fire that was never going to happen because everything was soaked when the ground beneath his feet began to move. Stumbling, he grabbed onto the pack of the dwarf in front of him as mountain turned out to be not a mountain but a giant made of stone.

                “What the-“  
  
                “Kili!”  
  
                Peeking around the dwarf he was holding, Bilbo watched as their company was split into two groups by the movement of the stone giant they were on. Fili’s screams for his brother were louder than the storm and all the ruckus the giants were making. It was heartbreaking, but Bilbo didn’t have time to dwell on what was going on with the brothers.

                Grabbing the dwarf behind him, Bilbo shifted his weight to face the direction the giant was taking them. “There’s a ledge! Get ready to jump!”

                “Fili!”  
  
                “Kili!” Bilbo had to try hard to be heard over the sounds of everything else. “Focus! If we don’t jump right we’ll be smushed!”  
  
                Someone must have passed his message along because their group linked arms and stabilized each other until Bilbo yelled for them to jump. They swayed on their giant once then twice before the cliff was rushing toward them. Bilbo gripped the others tighter before screaming for them to jump.

                They made it. Everyone was on the ledge. Panting, Bilbo scrambled to his feet from where he’d landed on his hands and knees. They were all on the ledge. They’d made it.

                Kili was too close to the edge. The rocks were crumbling under his feet. Bilbo looked into his eyes and saw that the young dwarf realized what was happening and that he wouldn’t have time to do anything to prevent it. That look of fear and defeat had Bilbo moving before he could even think about what he was doing.

                Lunging, Bilbo snagged Kili by the straps of his pack. He put all of his weight back to flip Kili over him and onto the firmness of the ledge. Bilbo did not know where the strength to move the dwarf came from, but he didn’t question it.

                It was too late for the ledge, however. It continued to crumble, this time with Bilbo laying squarely on the area giving way. It was all the hobbit could do to roll onto his stomach just before the ledge gave. He saw Kili’s big eyes just before he fell.

                “Kili!”

                “Fili!” Kili scrambled back to his feet. He rushed to his brother’s arms and held him tight, unable to tell his older brother what had just happened.

                “Is everyone okay? Where is Bilbo?”  
  
                Kili’s grip on Fili tightened as he started to sob. He knew that no one could hear what he was saying or tell that he was crying. It was terrible and he couldn’t even tell them what had happened.

                Thorin, seeing that Kili was shaking more than he should be, turned away from his nephew to the edge. He was glad that he looked down when he did, considering their hobbit was clinging to the cliff face by one hand. “Bilbo!”

                Kili jerked his head up in time to see Thorin jump over the side of the cliff. Bilbo was heaved up a second later. A loud sob escaped Kili’s throat.

                Realizing that his brother was bawling, Fili held Kili tighter to his chest. “You’re okay, I’ve got you.”

                Shaking his head, Kili pressed his face back into Fili’s chest. Seeing Bilbo back with them on solid ground made a sense of relief so intense flood through him that he almost dropped to his knees. The hobbit had selflessly saved his life. Bilbo had been willing to die for him and Kili had never considered doing the same in return.

                Shaking, Bilbo gripped at the slick stones beneath his hands. He hadn’t thought when he’d acted, but he was so glad that he had. Kili had been too far out on the piece that had crumbled to do anything but fall. Bilbo had been close enough to scramble for something to catch himself on.

                Lifting his head, Bilbo meant to thank Thorin for realizing he was there and for getting him. The look the dwarf king was giving him had his words die in his throat.

                “You’ve been lost ever since you left home.”

                Bilbo gasped. He hadn’t heard everything Thorin said but he heard enough. The king was pissed that he’d almost died. Bilbo shook his head before pushing up to sit on his knees. If Thorin was like this because he almost lost his burglar then Bilbo was sure he would have lost it if Kili had fallen.

                Swallowing hard, Bilbo ignored the king. It was clear from the way Thorin was staring at him that he was waiting for some sort of response. Well, children throwing tantrums did not deserve attention. So Bilbo ignored him.

                Turning his head, Bilbo pushed himself to his feet. He stumbled the few feet to where Fili was holding Kili. He gave the older prince a shaky smile before pulling Kili away from his brother. “Hey, I’m here. You’re here. We’re both okay. No one fell. Everyone is fine.”

                Sobbing, Kili hugged Bilbo.

                The storm raged on around them. The giants kept fighting, though they were far enough away that the company, minus Dwalin, paid them little attention. So much was happening but everyone watched as Kili dropped to his knees and hugged Bilbo while crying.

                Petting the prince’s head, Bilbo hugged the young dwarf back. “We’re both okay, Kili. Thorin saw me. Thorin grabbed me. I didn’t fall.”

                “You did!”

                The step that Fili took forward was halted by the look that Bilbo gave him. Something was happening that the others did not understand.

                Lifting Kili’s head, Bilbo tried to smile down at the distraught prince. Even with Kili on his knees, the dwarf was almost the same height as him. It made comforting him a little harder, but Bilbo did not give up. “I would never let you fall, Kili. I would save you a thousand times even if it meant that I fell each time.”

                “The ground was crumbling beneath my boots. I could feel it going. I knew that I didn’t have a chance and you just… Without hesitating, Bilbo! You would give your life for mine.”

                Hushing the still sobbing dwarf, Bilbo made sure not to look at any of the others. He knew that someone had probably seen what he’d done, but he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Nothing happened. They were all fine.

                “Wait! Is that why Kili was flipped onto me while I was getting up? Bilbo saved him from the crumbling ledge?”

                Everyone turned to Nori. The thief just shrugged at them before looking back at Bilbo. He still wasn’t sure what happened, just that Kili had suddenly landed on him when they’d been trying to get up after jumping off the stone giant.

                Able to breathe a bit easier, Kili pressed his face into Bilbo’s shoulder before lifting it to look at Fili and then Thorin. He returned his gaze to his brother before he spoke. Kili needed Fili to understand what had happened and what Bilbo had done. “We jumped off the stone giant when Bilbo told us to so we wouldn’t be crushed. But the ledge wasn’t strong where I landed. It was crumbling. I couldn’t even say anything. Bilbo looked at me and knew what was happening. He surged forward and grabbed my pack by the straps. Somehow, he flipped me over him. He put himself on the crumbling ledge to save me. The rocks gave way before I could move to grab him. He fell over the edge.”

                “I’m right here, Kili. Thorin looked. He saw me.”

                Kili squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn’t crying anymore, though tears were still burning in his eyes. The feeling of Bilbo running his hands through his hair was helping him to calm down enough to speak. “You fell, Bilbo. You didn’t know that you would be able to grab the ledge. You didn’t know that Thorin would look and see you. You gave your life for me without hesitation.”

                There really wasn’t anything that Bilbo could say to that. It was true.

                Fili, with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, looked from Kili to Bilbo and back again. He glanced at his uncle and saw the shock hidden in his features. The older prince let out a strangled shout before he surged forward and wrapped Bilbo and Kili up in his arms. He had been so scared when they’d been separated earlier. To hear that his fears had almost come true had the prince beyond distraught.

                Laughing a bit because the situation was seriously bizarre, Bilbo let himself be hugged and engulfed by dwarven hair. He’d survived the cliff only to be suffocated by a hug. With a small smile on his lips, Bilbo hugged back just as fiercely.

                Dwalin cleared his throat as he watched the stone giants disappear behind a different mountain. “We need to speak more about what happened but we cannot do it here. We need to find shelter for the night.”

                Bofur, still trying to process what he’d heard the princes saying, moved down the path a ways. “There’s a cave here.”

                Thorin nodded so that everyone would make for the cave. He noticed but said nothing when Kili and Fili kept Bilbo wedged between them as they made their way to the cave. He also didn’t say anything about the way that Fili made sure he was on the outside edge of the group.

                “You should apologize.”

                “I didn’t know.”  
  
                “That’s all the more reason for you to take back your words.”

                Turning to Balin, Thorin shook his head. “You’re not going to say anything about this being a lesson to hear others out before passing judgement?”

                “I don’t think I have to tell you what you should learn. I think you’ve been learning a lot lately.”

                Thorin didn’t know what to say in response to that so he let Balin move ahead of him into the cave. For a moment, he just stood at the entrance and watched as everyone checked each other over before settling down for the night. “We need to set up a watch in case the giants come back.”

                “I’ll take it.”

                Thorin gave Bofur a grateful nod before he moved further into the cave. Fili and Kili still had Bilbo squished between them. The hobbit gave Thorin a fond but exasperated look when he noticed the king watching them. Thorin just gave him a small nod in return. They would have to talk about what he said but it wasn’t the most important thing.

                Kili was no longer crying, but that didn’t mean he was about to let go of Fili or Bilbo. In fact, if Thorin got closer, Kili was planning to grab him and not let go for at least the night. Thorin was likely to stay close because of what had happened and Kili was not above taking advantage of the situation to do some cuddling with his favorite uncle.

                “He’s your only uncle, Kili.”

                Kili couldn’t help the little jerk he gave when Bilbo seemingly read his mind. “What?”

                “You’re talking out loud, Kili. I’m not reading your mind. I’m sure if you ask Thorin to sleep beside you tonight that he will.”

                Blushing, Kili dropped his head so no one could see his pink cheeks. “I didn’t mean to say any of that out loud.”

                Smiling at that, Bilbo freed the arm that Fili had wrapped in his to pat Kili on the head. The arm that he’d worked to free to do so was instantly snatched back by the older prince when Bilbo was done giving Kili extra attention. The hobbit just let out a quiet sigh at Fili’s actions. “I’m sure that Thorin would also like to be close to the two of you tonight. You are his favorite nephews, after all.”

                Laughing at that, Kili couldn’t help but blink away a couple of tears. “We’re his only nephews.”

                Smiling, Bilbo squeezed both boys tighter. “I know.”

                Fili chuckled at that before finally letting Bilbo go. “I think I’ll go and get him. He looks a little forlorn over there by himself.”

                Bilbo couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Take Kili with you and go have a good long hug. I’m just going to find a spot to get my bedroll out of my pack. I’m not going anywhere.”

                Kili moved so that he and Bilbo were almost nose to nose. “Promise?”

                There was far more to that question than the dwarf was asking. Bilbo knew the extent to what Kili meant. The stories that he’d heard from the dwarves so far on their journey had been full of bravery but also death. Kili had opened himself up to others before and lost them.

                Taking Kili’s hands into his, Bilbo squeezed them. “I promise.”

                Kili was quick to hug Bilbo before he allowed for Fili to pull him up and over to Thorin. They didn’t give their uncle as much as a warning before they threw themselves onto him. Kili made sure to hold onto his brother and his uncle with all his strength.

                Thorin grunted as Fili and Kili suddenly filled his arms. If they had tried this on a night after a day of regular travel, he would have hugged them before telling them to go to bed. Tonight, however, he held them in his arms. He allowed Kili to nuzzle in close and for Fili to drape himself over them both. For a moment, Thorin just closed his eyes and sent a prayer of thanks to Mahal.

                Bilbo watched Thorin hug his nephews for a moment before he got up and took his pack off. It felt good to shed the waterlogged thing after such a tiring day. His bedroll was as drenched as he thought it would be when he pulled it out. The fact that he could take it out in a relatively dry place had him smiling a bit to himself. They’d made it through.

                Settling himself down, Bilbo pulled out his journal. It was damp but not damaged too badly. He fixed what he could before turning to an empty page. He jotted down notes about what happened on the cliffside before turning to the page with the plan to meet up with Gandalf on it.

                For a second, Bilbo chewed on the end of his quill. Their plan to meet up with Gandalf in the mountains was not working out. Bilbo had hated it from the beginning, mostly because it was so ambiguous. Now, he just wasn’t sure how Gandalf would know where they were since the stone giants were sure to have messed up the paths. Then again, Gandalf was a wizard.

                Groaning to himself, Bilbo put away his journal. He settled down for a while and tried to sleep. It wasn’t long before the usual sounds of the dwarves sleeping filled the caves. It was comforting to hear them but Bilbo remained awake.

                Finally, Bilbo got up. He wasn’t going to sleep. Rather than do nothing, he figured he could do something, even if that something was just keeping Bofur company.

                With his pack in order, Bilbo moved over to the entrance.

                “Where are you going? You can’t leave!”  
  
                Startled, Bilbo turned to find Bofur sitting up a little ways back from the door. “I’m not leaving. Just can’t sleep.”

                “He didn’t mean what he said.”

                For just a second, Bilbo wasn’t sure what Bofur was talking about. “Thorin? I’m sure he meant it when he said it.”

                “That doesn’t make it right. You’re one of us. You can’t leave now.”

                Shrugging, Bilbo made a show of putting his pack down and sitting by Bofur. “He wasn’t totally wrong. I often feel a bit lost and I’m sure there are plenty of things that I do that slow the company down, but I said I would come on this journey so I’m going to see it through.”

                Nodding at that, Bofur offered Bilbo a grin. “If you ever wanted to truly leave and return home, know that we would support you and wish you all the luck in the world.”

                Smiling in return, Bilbo shifted. He pulled his sword so that it didn’t dig into his hip. “Thanks, Bofur. It’s lucky we found this cave when we did. I don’t think I could do much more walking out in the rain.”

                Laughing, Bofur pushed his waterlogged hat back so it wasn’t so far in his face. “You wouldn’t have had an easy time of it with the princes holding on to you like that.”

                “Yes, well. Let Thorin have their hugs for a while. I’m okay with no being squished.”

                “What’s this? You don’t enjoy all the attention?”  
  
                Laughing quietly, Bilbo shook his head. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know?”

                Bofur could help but chuckle along. He was ready to say something else when his eyes were drawn to where Bilbo was fiddling with his sword. “What’s that?”  
  
                Bilbo looked down to where Bofur was gesturing. He’d pulled his little sword just enough that a bit of the blade was showing. It was glowing blue. “We have to get everyone up now!”

                Bofur was barely on his feet when the floor gave way.

                Bilbo hated the sensation of the floor giving out and falling the first time it had happened to him. He really didn’t enjoy it the second time. At least, he had his pack. It wasn’t the same for the others. They weren’t awake and packed up when the floor had given out.

                The goblins didn’t help anything either. Bilbo had never been so disgusted by a creature in his entire life. Their flesh seemed to be rotting despite them being still alive. The dwarves were grabbed and herded down the path.

                Bilbo took one look at all the goblins and their vast cave before sinking to his hands and knees. He didn’t move as the company was pushed further away. The goblin went with them, screaming about their new captives all the way. Bilbo did not move until he was sure that they were far enough alone.

                Gandalf hadn’t been wrong when he’d told Thorin that hobbits could often move unseen if they wished. Their magic, though small, could be very helpful. But only if the creature they were trying to hide from wasn’t looking for a hobbit and if they were distracted by something else.

                The goblins didn’t appear to be overly bright, so Bilbo invoked the magic that all hobbits had and seemingly disappeared without actually disappearing. Once he was sure they were far enough away, he let go of his magic as to not tire himself out before beginning to follow at a safe distance. He thought he was doing a nice enough job of it until a goblin jumped on him from behind.

                Bilbo really, really hated the sensation of falling.  
  


XXX  
  


                Bofur caught Thorin’s eye as they were forced onto a large platform. The miner barely had the chance to mouth Bilbo’s name when the biggest goblin they’d ever seen got up from his throne. At least, Bofur was pretty sure it was a throne.

                Bofur thought it was going along pretty much as most talks with the goblin king went. Blah, blah, blah, where are you going and is there more of you. Blah, blah, blah, we should eat you. Blah, blah, blah, give us more information and then we’ll eat you. The standard stuff. Not that he had much to compare it to. But then the great goblin said something that had all the dwarves standing a little straighter.

                “I know an orc that would pay a pretty penny for your head. Not even your whole body. Just the head.”

                Thorin, not rising to the bait, kept the other members of his company behind him as he faced down the goblin. One king to another, sort of. “What difference does it make to me than an orc wants my head? I’m sure they all do.”

                “Ah, but this orc is special. He’s a pale orc that rides a pale warg.”

                Thorin’s hands clenched into fists. “That filth died of his injuries long ago.”

                The goblin king picked at a pus-filled blob on his neck. It popped, causing the yellow sludge to run down his skin. With a swipe of his finger, he held out a bit to the dwarf king before him. “You’d be surprised at what can fester and live deep inside the mountains.”

                Thorin thought he was going to be sick when the goblin king offered some of his filth on his finger. He had to hold back a gag when the giant creature shrugged at Thorin’s refusal and sucked the pus from the end of his finger.

                Bofur thought it wasn’t going too badly after that. But then they’d found their swords and all hell broke loose again.  
  


XXX  
  
                Bilbo tried not to groan as he rolled over. Falling was terrible. The landing was worse. He knew he should be thankful for the huge mushrooms and the goblin that broke his fall.

                The goblin. Bilbo rolled to his hands and knees without making a sound. He invoked his magic once more to make sure the goblin didn’t see him. The goblin that must have gotten badly hurt in the fall due to how heavy it was breathing.

                “What’s this precious? It’s been a while since we’ve had goblinses to eat.”

                Bilbo pressed a hand over his mouth so that he wouldn’t utter a sound as a sickly looking creature crept out of the darkness. It hadn’t been the goblin that was breathing so loudly. It was all that Bilbo could do to not make a sound as he watched the creature start to drag the goblin off. And when the goblin fought back, the creature smashed its head in with a rock.

                Bilbo watched it disappear in the dim light. He waited until he could not hear anything before he turned himself around. With a firm shake of his head, he walked in the opposite direction that the creature had gone in.

                Bilbo hadn’t gone more than a few feet before he slipped. His hand it the ground right on top of something smooth and round. Picking it up, Bilbo saw it glint in the dim light. Without thinking about it, he slipped it into the pocket of his vest and kept going.

                Not far along the path, he heard screaming and crunching. For a moment, Bilbo thought he was going to puke. The creature hadn’t killed the goblin before he’d started eating it.  
  


XXX  
  


                Gandalf made his way along the mountain path. His strides were long and purposeful. The meeting with the White Council had taken longer than he’d expected it to. Saruman had gone off on one of his tangents and those tended to last days if not weeks. Lady Galadriel had had to intervene so that they could all be on their way.

                When Gandalf had been vague with how he’d meet up with the company, he’d been trying to annoy Bilbo. The hobbit hated vague plans, which was exactly why Gandalf tried to make them that way as often as possible. Hobbits, Bilbo, in particular, were a lot of fun to tease.

                That being said, he should have been more specific. It would have been nice to have met up with the company before they got into stone giant and goblin territory. Especially since it was breeding season for the stone giants and they were sure to be more active than usual.

                The mountainsides showed signs of a battle of dominance having taken place not too long before Gandalf strode into view. He could only hope that the company hadn’t been caught in the middle of the battle. They often ended up deadly to those that weren’t stone giants or wizards.

                Gandalf almost passed the cave that he knew was an entrance to the Goblin’s underground lair. Dwarves had the ability to feel the structure of the stones that were around them. There’s no way they would have gone into the cave and fallen captive to the goblins.

                A stray blanket, a knitted one, caught Gandalf’s eye.

                Then again, maybe they weren’t smart enough to avoid it. Something had to have happened to them for them to be forced into an unsound cave.

                Swearing under his breath, Gandalf entered the cave. Rather than waiting for the floor to give out, he moved to the back where he knew the secret door was. He turned his head to take one last deep breath of fresh air before he made his way into the goblin stench filled darkness.  
  


XXX  
  


                Bilbo kept his magic working as he made his way through the dark. There was enough light coming from above that he could make out the way he was supposed to be going. The occasional screeches from a large group of goblins also helped keep him moving in the right direction.

                At least, he thought it was the right way. Then again, any way that was away from the disgusting creature eating a live goblin was the right way. Bilbo kept telling himself that as he made his way through the cave.

                He needed a way to get back up to where the others were. He wasn’t any help down in the darkness. The only thing that being down at the bottom of the cave was good for, was that he was able to pick up plenty of stones. His pockets were starting to get a little heavy with how many he picked up. Bilbo didn’t stop picking them up.

                Every time his foot hit one that he knew he could use, he picked it up and slipped it into a pocket. By the time he found his dwarves, he was going to have enough stones for every goblin in those tunnels. And then some.

                With a firm nod of his head, Bilbo kept making his way through the darkness.  
  


XXX  
  


                “I don’t think this is going as well as I thought it was.”

                Dori gave Bofur a confused look. “You thought being captured by goblins was going well?”

                Shrugging, the miner tried not to let the foul-smelling goblin beside him jostle him too much. “I don’t know. I’ve never been captured by goblins before.”

                Scowling now, Dori elbowed the male beside him. “Next time, I’m going to offer you to be tortured first rather than Ori.”

                Bofur shrugged before looking back at the giant contraption the goblins were trying to move onto the already crowded platform. “I would gladly be tortured instead of Ori.”

                Dori really didn’t have anything to say in return to that comment. “What?”

                “He’s young. Too young to have to go through torture. I’ve lived a pretty good life. Do you think they’d let us switch?”

                “You’re serious?”  
  
                “Yes?”  
  
                Dori paused for only a moment before pulling Bofur into a hug. “Don’t change anything about yourself.”

                “Why would I?”  
  
                Shaking his head, Dori straightened Bofur’s skewed hat before patting the miner on the shoulder. Someone as kind-hearted as Bofur deserved much better than meeting his end in a goblin tunnel. “We need our illustrious leader to get us out of this.”

                “We won’t deal with goblin filth!”

                With a sigh, Dori hung his head. “Or not.”

                Nodding in solidarity, Bofur rubbed Dori’s arm. “Where’s Bilbo when we need him, huh?”

                The dwarves around the miner couldn’t help but agree.  
  


XXX  
  


                It was by accident that he found the rope ladder. At least, he thought it was a rope ladder. Either way, it held his weight and it took him up off the cave floor. Bilbo didn’t know where it was going to take him, but he was willing to follow it.

                The sounds that he could hear every once in a while got louder the higher he got. The stench got worse. Bilbo knew he was going in the right direction.

                His arms burned as he pulled himself higher and higher. The rocks in his pockets weren’t helping, but he had to keep climbing. He only looked back down into the darkness once.

                When he made it to a crude wooden platform, Bilbo took a second to breathe and stretch his arms. His fall had to have been worse than he originally thought. He was really thankful that he hadn’t gotten hurt on his way down. The pain of getting back up was bad enough.

                Shaking himself, Bilbo kept his magic working as he made his way along the platforms. He kept going up whenever he had the chance. The goblins liked to build in a maze-like pattern. One that Bilbo was sure would never make sense to him even if he spent a hundred years wandering them.

                The lack of good planning and layout was seriously starting to bother him when he rounded a corner and found the company squashed on a platform. They were surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of goblins. There was one really big one that seemed to be in charge of taunting Thorin.

                Thorin was falling for it. Every word seemed to make him angrier until he started yelling right back.

                Bilbo took a second to put his face in his hands and just shake his head. Balin had his work cut out for him.

                Shaking himself, Bilbo shifted to see more of the cavern. He had plenty of rocks, but they’d only be helpful if he had a plan that was better than just trying to kill all the goblins between the dwarves and the exit.

                Bilbo peered around a second ledge just in time to see Gandalf striding along the path. The wizard looked unhurried as he moved along. A knitted blanket billowed out behind him as he moved along.

                Breathing a sigh of relief, Bilbo couldn’t help but slump down. “Finally. Better late than never, I guess.”

                Wizards liked to meddle and needlessly vague, but Bilbo was sure that Gandalf had some sort of plan. Not even a wizard would stride that confidently into a goblin horde without some sort of plan.

                Then Gandalf raised his staff, sent out a blast of light that knocked everyone off their feet, and yelled for the dwarves to get up and fight.

                Moaning, Bilbo scrambled back to his feet. He should have known better. Never trust a wizard.

                Following along with the company from above while still using his hobbit magic, Bilbo began picking off goblins. He was determined to empty his pockets by the time they made it out of the mountains if it meant one less goblin to chase after them.

                It was interesting to see the company fighting together as they made their way out of the tunnels. Bilbo’s vantage point gave him the opportunity to really see how they worked together as a unit rather than individuals. He watched as Dwalin threw one of his huge war hammers to Ori and the way the younger dwarf easily handled the huge weapon.

                Bilbo even saw the way Dwalin seemed to find the sight a little too interesting. Bilbo had to take out six goblins in rapid succession before Dwalin came back to himself and kept fighting. Not that Bilbo minded killing the filthy creatures, but Dwalin was their best fighter behind Gandalf and possibly Thorin. Having him out of commission because he was enamored was not a good thing for the rest of the company.

                Bilbo contemplated lightly throwing a rock to snap Dwalin out of it when the burly dwarf shook himself and got back into the fight. Bilbo was going to tease him like crazy when they all made it out of there.


End file.
